What’s Your Perspective?

I’ve learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something completely different.

This whole pandemic has taught me the same. I have had a lot of conversations in the past week and the range of emotions everyone is feeling is wider than Mariah Carey’s vocal abilities. 

Then I was reading something that talked about how in several years people are going to look back and say things like “don’t you remember the shortage of food in the grocery stores and everyone hoarding toilet paper? Remember how we couldn’t leave our houses for several weeks and how we had to juggle working from home and teaching our kids online? UGH! It was such a struggle!”

However, the kids that are living this right now are not going to remember that. They’re going to remember that their parents were more present with them than they ever had been before, more affectionate than before. They will remember that mom made homemade breakfast and she wasn’t screaming to put the shoes on in the car because everyone was running late…again! Moms and Dads had time for things like family bike rides, playing board games, walks around the neighborhood, watching movies and eating dinner as a family, setting up a tent in the living room in the name of science or building a fort just because. 

The perspective here is that while we are feeling such a disconnect from the world, our kids are feeling more connected to us in ways they never have before. That may be the biggest blessing that comes out of this. But what else could be working for us instead of it happening to us?  

Maybe we choose to look at this from a place filled with joy. Maybe we get our own reality check here and start prioritizing things, look at what we don’t need to go back to when all this is over. Maybe we start journaling and stop overthinking everything because now we have the time to analyze what is making our situation better and what’s making it worse. Whatever it is, it has to be a conscious choice that we make that may not come from a place of comfort. We may need to take that stretch step out of our comfort zone in order to change what we don’t like while understanding that we still have control over the majority of our reality. 

What I know for sure is that THIS. WILL. PASS. I promise you. I started teaching my Chinese kids online again this morning just to check on them, see how they are and earn a little more cushion income because we aren’t certain of what the airlines are going to do for my husband’s job and because we’re still fighting for our goal of buying a house at the end of the year. My little ones told me that parks are starting to open up again. Kids are going back to school next week and what they are all most excited about is going outside and feeling the sunshine. People over there live in high rise apartments and because of rules, regulations and over crowding on the streets, children are physically not able to go outside. At. All. Let that sink in from a child’s perspective and from an adult who has or has been around children. 

This is not a competition of what country or what neighbor has it worse. Lord knows we need none of that right now, but it is a matter of perspective. You can go outside. You can facetime friends. Social distancing should actually be called physical distancing. Right now, connection is indeed a necessity.  Connect with your friends through zoom, facetime or any other means necessary. If you’re reading this and you’re interested in a mastermind group that has free coaching or free networking or just adult interaction and connection, reply to this email and I will absolutely get it set up! Get back to your inner child and connect with the things you once loved but no longer “have time for”. Learn a new skill! My pilot wife group is BLOWING UP with all these amazing things that people are baking. We’re talking things like souffles and truffles, cookies that have like a billion steps and dishes that put Julia Child to shame! 

What you focus on magnifies. I have preached that for years and will until the day I die because it’s a concept I witness and live out every single day. Goals and ideas that I had a year or more ago are coming to fruition right this very moment because I didn’t pull up when things got hard or scary (more on this in a couple weeks). I fought for what I wanted most and not even quarantine or Rona was going to stop me. That was my perspective. If your perspective is to live in the anxiety, that’s going to be magnified exponentially right now. If you’re perspective is to choose to see the light, to be excited for each day and live in joy and happiness, that’s going to be magnified immensely.  What you’re looking for, you will find. If it’s hard for you to find joy and happiness, I encourage you to take a walk. Start a gratitude practice and listen to some Disney music. Seriously. Really listen to the message in each song. The words are powerful. It also makes for a great dance party if you don’t feel like exercising in a traditional sense. 

Your perspective in this time is going to make you the best version of yourself during and after this is over or it’s going to break you and you’re going to have an incredibly hard time with it all. If you are struggling but you want to be the best version of yourself, reach out. Let’s do a one hour strategy session to help you make that a reality. 

If you need even more content, don’t forget my podcast comes out THIS THURSDAY (another goal I’ve had for over a year now!) Watch my Facebook group and Instagram for more info (follow links are at the bottom of this email).

Take care and think happy thoughts! 

It’ll just take a minute…

I was just…
I just wanted to say…
Can we just…

Hey all!

This week, I have a super simple challenge for you! Let me know how it goes!

Back in 2018, I read an article that talked about the top 9 words we say that make us look weak. I started noticing how often I used these words. Just was probably my most frequently used word followed by a close second…sorry. 

Ugh. Thinking back to that, it makes me want to throw up. But I guess that’s growth right? Striving to be a better version of yourself all the time? I definitely have grown in the last 2 years and I’m sure you have too! 

Just, as you’ll read in the article makes it sound like you’re wasting everyone’s time, like what you need or what you’re doing isn’t important enough or worthy enough to take time. 

Have you ever heard someone who apologizes all the time? Someone bumps into them, “Oops, sorry”. Sorry for what? Existing? Sorry for being late, Sorry my kid is sick, Sorry I was in the shower when you called…all the time with the sorry. It’s more than kind of annoying and makes them look weak, right? That’s why it’s number two on this list but in listening to myself say “just” all the time, I realized that I was that person but a double whammy with sorry too! Whew! 

So what happened when I became cognizant of it? 

I stopped using it so much. My messages became stronger, my writing flowed more. Most of all, I became so much more confident! I started believing in myself because dad-gum-it! I’m NOT a waste of time and neither are my needs, wants and words. 

Today, as you’re in conversation with others, be mindful of the words you’re using and how you feel when you use them. Did you say just? Do you feel weaker now having said it? If you say that sentence again, do you feel more powerful? Does the sentence have more meaning? 

Try this little social experiment and remember to let me know how it goes! 

XOXO,

Kameran

Are You Headed Down a Shame Spiral?

WHAT IS THE MOST POWERFUL MASTER EMOTION? WHAT TRIGGERS THE FEAR THAT YOU AREN’T GOOD ENOUGH?

Have you ever forgotten something you needed in the hustle of the morning that was imperative to the success of that day? A document, a prop for a presentation, your kid’s something or another they had to have, your breakfast? Then you get to your destination, realize you failed and for the rest of the day you can’t get the thought of “How could I have forgotten that? I’m such an idiot!” out of your head? 

Welcome to the shame spiral, where one action triggers an endless repeat of thoughts, experiences and memories of other times you screwed up in life causing you to be absolutely certain you are the worst person in this world. 

For some, this spiral can last a few minutes to a few hours. For some, it can last days or even weeks! 

So how do you stop? 

First you have to understand two things:

1) You are a completely imperfect human being and when you present yourself authentically, imperfectly and confidently as such, you will gain a higher level of self-acceptance. 

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs has a sense of belonging as the third rung of needs. However, that need can never be met if we aren’t showing up in this life as our true self. When you show up just as you are, your self acceptance (the fourth rung) actually overpowers your need to belong and makes you a happier, healthier person. 

2) Shame stems from the life drift of approval. This life drift has a core motto “I’ll never BE enough.” The shame spiral starts because you’ve convinced yourself that you have to be perfect not for yourself but because others will judge you, others will be let down due to your lack of responsibility, intelligence, loyalty, etc. You’re disappointed in yourself because of the repercussions it has on others. You’re a compassionate individual so while this feeling is understandable, it’s not realistic. Realistically, no one in this universe is perfect so every once in a while we are all bound to make mistakes. Lord knows I make them on a daily basis and I’m betting you do too! It’s OK! What’s not ok is to sit in that for too long, let it spiral to the worst case scenario and convince yourself that you’re the worst, ultimately causing you to make more mistakes and wreck your subconscious mindset. 

Understand that you were enough before you messed up and you’re still enough after. What you do with that mistake says more about you and your character than whether or not  you come across as perfect. 

The healthiest way to handle a mistake is to learn from it and apply the lesson. Application says “hey, I’m trying here. I’m human and I’m trying to be the best version of myself.”

Apologize, not for making the mistake but for the situation it put others in. By doing so, this helps you eliminate the need to be something for others on a subconscious level. By acknowledging that you wasted someone’s time, that you created an inconvenience for others, etc. you’re also eliminating that one thing that anyone could judge you for (the trigger for the life drift which then triggered the emotion, remember?). 

It’s like in the movie 8 Mile where Eminem comes to the rap battle at the end with Falcon and starts off by putting his greatest weaknesses out there, leaving nothing for Anthony Mackie to come back with and ultimately creating a win for B-Rabbit (Eminem). 

You are B-Rabbit here. You screwed up, you acknowledged it and now no one can judge you or use it against you because it won’t affect you. You’re human again, you’re enough and the shame spiral stops dead in it’s tracks because you’re now showing up in a state of vulnerability to say “Hey, I’m not perfect, just like you. We’re on equal playing field here. So let me have this pass and when you screw up, I’ll show you the same courtesy. Thanks.” 

You are fearfully and wonderfully made. You’re a powerhouse of information and experiences that are unique to only you. You ARE an incredible person. Live in that truth and stop telling yourself lies on repeat. It’s not doing you or anyone else any good. Own your imperfections, they are precisely what make you great.

XOXO, 

Kameran

“I am responsible for everyone else’s happiness.”

About a year and a half ago, I was sitting in my favorite coffee shop with a group of ladies who were gracious enough to start a personal development book club with me. We were talking about the lies that we tell ourselves on a daily basis and one of them said “I’m held back because the lie that I am responsible for everyone else’s happiness plays in my head on a continuous loop.” You could’ve heard a pin drop as the four of us sat there and stared at her like she just uncovered the most sacred tomb in all of ancient Egypt. I think what most of us realized in that moment is that we related to that statement more than anything that any of us had ever said up to that point. I’ve thought about that woman, that lie and the solution to it every day for a year and a half. Then, I heard it again Sunday night.

This time from a client of mine. We were finalizing her two words, an exercise we do to figure out your purpose in an effort to name it. Once you’ve named and owned your two words, you know. You know exactly what you do no matter what you do. So we’re talking about possibilities for those two words and in a series of questions, I asked “What’s holding you back in life? What’s weighing you down the most right now?” Like a gong in my ears she said “I feel like whether everyone around me is happy or not is my responsibility.” 

Clearly, this is a thing that we struggle with as women and maybe as people. In all transparency, I haven’t done the market research to figure out if this is a cultural thing, because we are women, mothers, I don’t know but it’s obviously a thing that needs addressing so here we go. 

Listen Linda. You are ONLY responsible for Your. Own. Happiness. You cannot be responsible for anyone else’s happiness because happiness is a habit. A decision. Happiness comes down to two concepts. Fixed versus growth mindset and intrinsic versus extrinsic motivation.

If a person has a fixed mindset, that is to say that they believe they were born with a certain set of skills and talents, that things will always be as they are and will never be better or different, they’ve already decided their fate. They will never be happy because they don’t believe that even with outside influences or the internal need to grow that they will ever be better, happier, smarter or healthier than they are right now. You are not responsible for the way this person thinks, speaks, acts or doesn’t as you for the way the wind blows or whether the sun shines or not. 

If a person has a growth mindset, that is to say that they believe that they have the ability to shed the beliefs, thoughts and goals that no longer serve them, to learn, grow and better themselves as much or as little as they want, their happiness simply comes down to intrinsic versus extrinsic motivation. 

Let’s assume that you and the top 5 people around you are all growth mindset oriented, because you do, in fact, become like the top 5 people you spend most of your time with. So let’s say that you all have a growth mindset. Are you going to be happier if they tell you to be? No. Are you going to be happier if they seem to be happier than you are right now? No. Are you going to be happier if you all go shopping and you spend the exact same amount they do? No and neither will your bank account. Extrinsic motivating factors aren’t going to help you be more happy. That has to come from within and you have to make that a habit just like drinking enough water, eating well, getting your workout in every day, etc. Gratitude. Daily. 

Happiness is a choice by each and every individual. If you aren’t happy with your circumstances, the way you look, the way your life is, then it’s up to you to do something about it. Hire a coach, get a trainer, start asking yourself how you can make more money instead of focusing on the fact that you’re broke. Only you can do that for yourself and guess what? Others are the only one’s that can do that for themselves as well. Ever heard the phrase, you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink? Same applies here. You can offer up the best advice, the most resources, enable the ever loving shiz out of them but if they choose to be unhappy, that’s what they’ll continue to be. 

You are responsible for you and only you. Trying to put the pressure and expectations of other’s onto yourself is like trying to obtain the power of God for yourself. It’s simply not going to happen and it’s going to kill you in the process. Just stop. Practice your own gratitude. Do the things that make you happy. What you focus on grows. Focus on your habits. Hope that they see you and can use your happiness as an intrinsic motivator for themselves but remember that even if they don’t, not your responsibility. 

XOXO, 

Kameran

Why is my spouse such a jackwagon?

Inevitably, you and your partner are going to have ebbs and flows to your relationship, it’s not all sunshine and rainbows, right? But when you’re in the middle of the valley it’s really easy to blame, shame, and question. Questions like “what’s wrong with him/her?”, “Why don’t they understand me?”, “Why are they such a jerk?!” You aren’t feeling heard, understood, respected, loved, cherished…the list goes on forever. But there’s a quite easy explanation. This comes from the book The Language of Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. I read this book about 6 months ago when my husband and I were in the middle of this valley and I can honestly say that this book was a fantastic resource in helping me up-level my own marriage in 2019! 

At our core, men and women are different and that’s the hardest part of being in a relationship. Your spouse is not you. They are motivated by different things, speak differently, love differently and communicate differently. Not wrong, just different. A man’s most basic need is to be respected and a woman’s is to be loved, cherished and feel secure with her man. Simply put “his love motivates her respect and her respect motivates his love.” I know you’re thinking “Well he doesn’t love me so I don’t respect him!” or “She doesn’t respect me so I can’t show her love.” Well let’s look at the oldest book in history for some self-help. Ephesians 5:33- “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

Notice that this verse doesn’t say “respect your husband as long as he isn’t a jackwagon or love your wife as long as she isn’t hormonal, stressed out or as long as she respects you to the nth degree.” It says to love your wife, no matter what and respect your husband because you chose him and he is your partner. 

So how do we do it? First you must understand that there’s nothing “wrong” with your significant other. When your’e in the valley of your relationship and things are rocky and nothing you seem to do is right, know that your partner’s basic needs aren’t being met. Thus, we enter- THE CRAZY CYCLE. On of you isn’t feeling respected, the other isn’t feeling loved so the reaction to your own pain is to neglect the other’s needs and around and around we go. How do we stop? Someone has to extend the olive branch, let go of your ego and Get. Off. The. Carousel! Does it suck to swallow your pride and be the first to start giving the other what they need? Maybe. But do you want to be right or do you want the relationship you’ve always dreamed about? Think bigger picture here, friend.

Figure out how your man feels respected and men, figure out how your queen feels loved, respected and secure (financially, physically and emotionally). I guarantee the way you think they feel respected/loved is just that- your assumption. This is where communication and hard conversations have to happen.

When you’re both in the head-space to be open and willing to listen to the other explain how they feel respected/loved and how you aren’t filling that need, have the conversation and get specific. Know that this conversation is not an attack on who you are as a person but a constructive way to help you become a better lover, friend and spouse. Will it be hard to hear? Probably, but stick with it. You’ve had feelings that were hard before and you survived and became better because of it. Push through and stay engaged. It’s worth it in the end. I promise! 

By knowing this information and more importantly, applying it, you engage THE ENERGIZING CYCLE. This space is where you’re propelled to accomplish your goals with much more ease and flow, your home life feels right, you feel like an Olympic partnership that is gelled, propelled and on your way to achieving all the victories! All because you’re speaking life into your person. This is where dreams are accomplished and happiness thrives, all because you made a choice to better yourself and the way you communicate with your partner. It’s easier to respect a man who loves you well and it’s easier to love a woman who is respectful and more energetically matched. 

No, if the crazy cycle starts happening again, you’re prepared. Simply have the wherewithal to step back and self-reflect. “Am I meeting my partner’s needs?”, “How could I have started this cycle?”, “What can I do differently to stop it?” You can’t control your partner’s behavior but you can control your response. Be the first to switch platforms from crazy to energizing and pull your partner with you. 

Faith is not understanding the “how” but taking action anyway.

When I was 15, I signed up to go to Europe with a group of 237 music ambassadors across the state of Kansas. We were all in high school and I’m not certain but I’m going to guess that I was the only one who obtained a loan for $3,300 for the trip without their parents knowing. What can I say?  A whole lot of audacity, a little over zealous action and connections from coming from a town of 1,500 people is quite the recipe for making big decisions. I didn’t know how the trip would go. I’d never been away from home longer than a week every summer for 4-H camp or further away than my grandparents house, a short 3 hour drive from my own. I’d never flown in an airplane, much less half way across a continent and an ocean. But I had faith and a burning in my soul that I needed to do this. I had no idea that 15 years later, I would repeat this over-zealous action inspired move by taking a trip to Egypt to meet my future in-laws but both would be the best decisions I ever made! 

This is the first of many stories I can count in my life where I took giant, bold, boisterous leaps of faith and left so many people around me thinking I was certifiably insane. But you know what? They didn’t pay my bills, raise my son, live my life, have the experiences I had or have an opinion that was going to change my life in any way, shape or form. Not one of those bold moves I regret. Not one of them left me in a worse state and every single one of those big moves taught me a ridiculous amount about myself, my capabilities and the fact that you don’t always have to have a how, just a why and no back up plan. 

You read that right. No back up plan. When you have a plan B, no matter how “committed” you say you are to the primary dream you haven’t decided with 100% certainty that you’re going to make it work. You aren’t making a faith based decision. Did you know that the word “decide” has Latin roots that mean “to cut off”? Literally, we’re talking about a word that means to have all other options off the table when you decide that your plan is going to work.

From a religious standpoint, it’s also a testament of your faith in God. When you feel particularly called to do something, you take action and move. You’re putting your faith in God that he’s got you. He’s going to make it work for you. Still skeptical? Thinking “Ok, Kam but some things in my life haven’t worked out.” What? Like divorce, jobs that you hated, cities you moved to and moved away from? Did you learn anything from those experiences? Can you look back and see that one experience gave you the tools you needed for the next experience and so on? Maybe the outcome wasn’t what you had hoped, but the experience still worked out for you. You got what you were supposed to get from it. 

What separates you from those who have millions in their bank account, beach houses and their name on the side of a building? Decision. They’ve decided that they have what it takes to make it all come true. They’ve decided that even if they don’t know “how” it’s going to happen, it will. Their “why” for going big is there and that’s what they focus on every single day. They decide to grow. They decide to take action on the calling God’s given them. They decide to wake up early and put in the work to get it done. They decide to grow themselves and to give more than they receive to this world. They decide that waking up every day on fire for what they do, for making an impact in this world is worth so much more than waking up dreading the day and living for the weekend. Every day is a Saturday morning to those who have found their calling. Every day is another opportunity to do something great and they decide to use each day to the best of their ability.

If you are sitting on the fence and needing help with a decision, go to my website and book a 10 minute strategy call. If you know you want to be great in this world and just aren’t sure what that looks like, get into my 6 month program that’s open until Wednesday night (2/12) at midnight. It’s a biblically based approach to giving you stunning clarity on God’s calling for your life. I open it twice a year and have watched this program transform so many lives! Age, race, experience, stage of life, none of this matters. All are welcome and will leave knowing what God called them to do specifically. If this intrigues you, even a little- click here. You’re one decision away from changing your life! 

XOXO,

Kameran

Celebrate Your Big AND Small WINS!!!

Happy February! 

First, can we talk about that Superbowl? I am so stinkin’ proud to be from Kansas. Patrick Mahomes has the best mindset and is such a class act! AH! So excited! 

I’m even more excited that it goes right along with this week’s topic of CELEBRATION! Tonight, the Chiefs are celebrating their win and tomorrow, they’ll go to Disney World and be in a parade. Later this week, they’ll go back home to Kansas City where they’ll be met with another parade and an entire city that’s lit up in red lights and fans cheering for them. They’ll continue celebrating with interviews, vacations and a constant reminder that they worked harder, fought harder and believed harder than any other team in the NFL. 

But what about you? 

When I look at my biggest successes, my client’s successes and friend’s successes, I see a victory and a quick celebration that lasts anywhere from 5 minutes to a couple hours and now we’re on to the next. 

The problem is that after continually moving on so quickly, you’ll develop a numbness to your wins and have to have a stronger and stronger win to trigger the “happy hormone” in your brain called dopamine. This is the same reason that marijuana is called the gateway drug and statistically leads to harder and harder drug use. After a while, the “lesser” drugs just don’t trigger the dopamine surge anymore. All addictions are this way. It starts small and leads to something harder because you’re constantly looking for that dopamine rush. 

Not an addict? Think you don’t need that dopamine rush? Think again. You don’t have to be an addict to need the dopamine. A lack of dopamine over a significant amount of time leads to depression, anxiety and has even been linked to Alzheimers and a list of other health issues. 

See? It’s imperative to celebrate your wins! The big and especially the small! Lost 5 lbs and you blow it off because it’s not your goal of 30? Stop it! 5 is better than none and it’s 17% of the way to your goal!

Does your celebration have to be this extravagant and expensive celebration? No. But it does need to make you proud of yourself and HAPPY! Put it out into the world that you are doing great things! You never know who you’ll inspire! Be excited for the things you work hard for! What’s the point in working hard and achieving your goals if they’re never good enough? Don’t we already fall into that mindset trap enough without putting ourselves into it more? Celebrate your success, whatever that looks like for you! Celebrate the fact that you followed through, stayed motivated, worked hard and persevered! Be proud of yourself for having character traits that not everyone has or everyone would’ve achieved the goals you achieved! 

So this week I want you to pick one small thing you achieve and celebrate it! Even if it’s something as small as not hitting snooze when you regularly do or as big as getting your book published, hitting your goal of 60 lbs lost or winning the lottery! I want you to celebrate it and I want you to email me about it! I want to celebrate WITH YOU!!!

XOXO,

Kameran

Expectations

One of the questions I ask a lot in sessions with client’s is “What do you expect the outcome of this to look like?” When I interviewed for the position I’m currently in teaching Kindergarten, when given the opportunity to ask questions, my first one was “What do you expect of me as a teacher on your staff?” When my child came home last week and needed help with another student who is well-known to be a bully and is bullying my son, I asked “What are your expectations in getting the help you need and from whom?” Expectations.

Often under-communicated or not communicated at all and most often the source for our negative feelings. Your boss doesn’t communicate the expectations of a project or says you’ll be working on the project and then changes the team assigned or the needs of that project last minute. Now time is wasted and expectations aren’t met. Your spouse comes home expecting to go out and because that wasn’t communicated, you made plans with friends, cooked a meal, changed into pajamas, etc. Unmet expectations lead to an argument, resentment, irritation or anger. Your child expects to be taken to the park today but you have a lot going on and errands to run. “Sorry buddy, no time today”…and the academy award for best tantrum thrown goes to….

So what’s the answer? Drop the expectations altogether? Lower them? No. The answer is to communicate.

See, there’s an expectation at the top of the ladder and there’s a behavior at the bottom. With every communicative interaction, every clarifying comment, the behavior moves up a rung. The result is a lessened gap that would’ve otherwise been filled with only negativity- resentment, anger, frustration, irritation, blame, shame, guilt, you get the idea.

Ask clarifying questions.

With your boss: What does the outcome of this look like to you? How much time do you expect this to take? How many children will be in my class at the beginning of the year? How much are you prepared to offer me now as opposed to three years from now?

With your spouse: What’s it like to be with me right now? What are your expectations for this weekend, this holiday, this time together? What are your expectations for the roles we play? What does that look like exactly?

With your children: As they get older, you can ask them questions tailored to their needs like the ones above but as my own son was getting older, I found it quite helpful each day to run through the schedule of the day. “We will do this many things. IF those things get done, we will…” This taught him responsibility and that doing work came first because that’s what put food in his mouth and clothes on his back. That philosophy still works to this day. As I write this, he came in and said “You said you had 12 things to do before we could go. How many do you have left?” 8. And he went on his merry way…happy little lark.

Many people want to jump into my coaching without getting on a clarity/strategy call first. This is the exact reason I don’t let that happen! I need to make sure that you know exactly what coaching sessions look like for you, what you get when you work with me and to know if I can even help you. I can and do help a lot of people but I’m definitely not arrogant enough to think I can help everyone. I coach because I want you to have the help you need, not to take your money and “do my best”. Even typing that makes me sick to my stomach but there are coaches out there that are like that. Additionally, I need to know what that perfect life of passionate purpose looks like to you. What do you expect to get out of coaching? Coaching collapses so much time for you and is worth every penny but I need you to feel that way when you up-level and move on from me as well.

Also know though that you don’t have to wait for others to ask you those questions. Voice your expectations early and often. What does this situation look like to you? What do you expect for this? By voicing those expectations, standing up for your value and worth in every situation that involves you and letting others know how you feel, it gives them the ability to move their behavior up the ladder too.

People genuinely want to please others. Nobody wakes up in the morning and says “I think I’ll disappoint xy and z today.” It happens through a lack of communication. The more you communicate, the less negativity you feel. Isn’t that the end goal anyway?

You CAN Have it All

This past week was an eye-opener…

I’m having a weekly session with a client and we are discussing some of the blocks around her opening her dream business. It’s taken a lot of work for her to get to the point of figuring out that this is what her calling truly is and she’s sabotaging it with her mindset. So we’re digging into this and she says to me “Kam, I don’t feel like I can be a good mom AND build this into a successful business.” Woah. It was at this point that I realized she’s not the only one that feels like this. Almost every woman I know has these limiting beliefs! 

In high school and college, I was an athletic trainer for several sports. I was so passionate about training! But, I knew that down the road, I wanted a family and I truly didn’t believe I could have both so I ended up changing my major 10 times after this, always chasing what I thought would give me satisfaction and allow me the freedom to be a wife and mother. The reality was that not one of those majors gave me the fulfillment that training did or that coaching does now. Not. One. All of that time, 12 years, that I spent chasing down a fear dressed up like a dream. Anyone else relate? 

Our entire society is quick to react to someone verbalizing their dreams with an opinion. How often is that reaction:
a) “Is this safe?” vs “Wow! YES sister! I am so happy for you!” 
b) “Are you sure this is what you want?” vs “This sounds interesting! I’m excited for where life is taking you.”
c) “Can you make enough money doing that?” vs “As long as this makes you happy and fulfilled, I’m pumped for you!” 

Our own ego gets in the way of being happy and excited for others because our ego is there to keep us safe…from saber toothed tigers and woolly mammoths. Fun fact, those don’t exist anymore. So you’re friend tells you she’s going to open a cupcake shop of her own and your first reaction becomes “what if you don’t make enough money?” or “Oh. That takes a lot of time to build a business. What about your family? They need you.” Those concerns become the tigers in your mind that you’re now projecting onto your friend’s dreams. Sadly, we do this to ourselves as well. 

Our dream starts as a desire. We develop a strategy to make this desire become a reality and then just before it’s time to start putting those strategies into action, doubt creeps in. All of those tigers roar, circle and they eat us before we even get started. 

I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t have to be that way. Your first strategy is to find your WHY. When your why is big enough, those tigers will seem like alley cats.

Next, just get started. Don’t wait until it’s perfect, it never will be. Progress over perfection, always. When people start to poo-poo on your dreams and ask egocentric questions, know that they are projecting their own fears onto you. Shut it down. You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.

Lastly, write it down on a piece of paper, laminate it or put it in a sheet protector and hang it somewhere you see it every day that you CAN have it all! You can be a good mom and have a successful business. You can have nice things and have kids. You can have tons of money and still have time freedom. You can work full time and still have time for the gym. You can be single and be supremely successful and the happiest you’ve ever been. You can be a single mom with a great kid and be an educated, successful woman. You can work 50 hours a week, go to school and still have a clean house. You don’t have to choose. You may need to get creative on what it looks like for you but know that it is more than possible! 

Stop limiting yourself. You are strong, powerful and it is your responsibility as a human being to live out your calling and multiply the resources given to you to make this world a better place. 

What is “enough”?

Enough. 

This word has so much power, so much meaning and is used in a vast variety of situations. One that comes to mind as a mother, is when my 10 year old son is being obnoxious and I’ve told him too many times to knock it off, “ENOUGH” will come out of my mouth. At this point he knows that the fuse has burned and he better get his life together. 

Most of the time though, enough is noticed when clients come to me with the life drift that they’ll never “be enough”. Not to those they love, to their boss, to their child’s teacher, the list is endless. Being enough seems to be a driving force to succeed in all the various roles we have throughout each day, especially with women. 

But what does it mean? 

Have you ever thought about what “being enough” really looks like? What is “enough” to you? How do you know when you’ve loved your spouse or kids well enough? How do you know when you’ve loved your parents or siblings enough? How do you know when you’ve done enough? How do you know when you’re successful enough?

This got me thinking even more. Success and Enough go hand in hand. Along with asking yourself what enough is to you, what is success to you? The definition of success is the accomplishment of an aim or purpose. This is not a one size fits all definition. Success looks different to every person as it should. We are all made uniquely with different visions, abilities, calls and gifts. Success to me isn’t going to apply to you unless you’re in my exact circumstances, have the same beliefs, desires, contributions, etc. 

For me, I am working a full time job every single day that legitimately does not fuel me, is not my purpose and is not my definition of success. But it helps me take steps forward to achieving my definition of success for sure! For me, that looks like coaching every day, being more consistent in writing content for you all, for developing leaders in the corporate setting with freelance coaching, for working on my own terms, for myself and doing most of it (with the exception of those few corporate trainings I do each year) from home. It’s being able to enjoy my child (and God willing a couple more) and husband, getting to travel when I want and never missing a beat with my business. It’s living a life that inspires others to live their dreams without fear or hesitation! 

That’s success to me and the biggest part of that also describes my “enough”.  Being able to enjoy my life. 

As a society, we have been conditioned to believe that being busy means we are being productive and successful. We have glorified that term “busy” so much that the majority of people walking around are unhealthy, stressed out, and over 40 million Americans have developed anxiety because of it all. We are filling every minute of every day with whatever we can to be the most productive, to reach that level of enough or to reach someone else’s definition of success. What if we said “that’s enough”? What if we started living for our own definition of enough? Our own definition of success that gives us time to enjoy our one life? What if we schedule in time to rest and recover from all the “busy”? What does that look like for you? 

This holiday season, ENOUGH is my word. I will buy “enough” gifts for others to give but not so much that is tightens the belt on my bank account or feels excessive. I will eat just “enough” food to satiate me but not to the point that I am miserable for three hours after the kitchen is cleaned up. I will enjoy my loved ones “enough” that I still love them when I leave but not to the point that I feel exhausted mentally and emotionally. I will schedule “enough” things for me to do each day that I feel productive but I am not busy. Rest and recovery will be part of that list as well. 

So what does enough look like for you? How do you define success for your life? Most of all, how will you implement that into your daily life starting today?

If you aren’t sure or you need help with this, especially now as the holidays can often be overwhelming and hard, book a clarity call with me using this link

XOXO, 

Kameran