You CAN Have it All

This past week was an eye-opener…

I’m having a weekly session with a client and we are discussing some of the blocks around her opening her dream business. It’s taken a lot of work for her to get to the point of figuring out that this is what her calling truly is and she’s sabotaging it with her mindset. So we’re digging into this and she says to me “Kam, I don’t feel like I can be a good mom AND build this into a successful business.” Woah. It was at this point that I realized she’s not the only one that feels like this. Almost every woman I know has these limiting beliefs! 

In high school and college, I was an athletic trainer for several sports. I was so passionate about training! But, I knew that down the road, I wanted a family and I truly didn’t believe I could have both so I ended up changing my major 10 times after this, always chasing what I thought would give me satisfaction and allow me the freedom to be a wife and mother. The reality was that not one of those majors gave me the fulfillment that training did or that coaching does now. Not. One. All of that time, 12 years, that I spent chasing down a fear dressed up like a dream. Anyone else relate? 

Our entire society is quick to react to someone verbalizing their dreams with an opinion. How often is that reaction:
a) “Is this safe?” vs “Wow! YES sister! I am so happy for you!” 
b) “Are you sure this is what you want?” vs “This sounds interesting! I’m excited for where life is taking you.”
c) “Can you make enough money doing that?” vs “As long as this makes you happy and fulfilled, I’m pumped for you!” 

Our own ego gets in the way of being happy and excited for others because our ego is there to keep us safe…from saber toothed tigers and woolly mammoths. Fun fact, those don’t exist anymore. So you’re friend tells you she’s going to open a cupcake shop of her own and your first reaction becomes “what if you don’t make enough money?” or “Oh. That takes a lot of time to build a business. What about your family? They need you.” Those concerns become the tigers in your mind that you’re now projecting onto your friend’s dreams. Sadly, we do this to ourselves as well. 

Our dream starts as a desire. We develop a strategy to make this desire become a reality and then just before it’s time to start putting those strategies into action, doubt creeps in. All of those tigers roar, circle and they eat us before we even get started. 

I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t have to be that way. Your first strategy is to find your WHY. When your why is big enough, those tigers will seem like alley cats.

Next, just get started. Don’t wait until it’s perfect, it never will be. Progress over perfection, always. When people start to poo-poo on your dreams and ask egocentric questions, know that they are projecting their own fears onto you. Shut it down. You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.

Lastly, write it down on a piece of paper, laminate it or put it in a sheet protector and hang it somewhere you see it every day that you CAN have it all! You can be a good mom and have a successful business. You can have nice things and have kids. You can have tons of money and still have time freedom. You can work full time and still have time for the gym. You can be single and be supremely successful and the happiest you’ve ever been. You can be a single mom with a great kid and be an educated, successful woman. You can work 50 hours a week, go to school and still have a clean house. You don’t have to choose. You may need to get creative on what it looks like for you but know that it is more than possible! 

Stop limiting yourself. You are strong, powerful and it is your responsibility as a human being to live out your calling and multiply the resources given to you to make this world a better place. 

What is “enough”?

Enough. 

This word has so much power, so much meaning and is used in a vast variety of situations. One that comes to mind as a mother, is when my 10 year old son is being obnoxious and I’ve told him too many times to knock it off, “ENOUGH” will come out of my mouth. At this point he knows that the fuse has burned and he better get his life together. 

Most of the time though, enough is noticed when clients come to me with the life drift that they’ll never “be enough”. Not to those they love, to their boss, to their child’s teacher, the list is endless. Being enough seems to be a driving force to succeed in all the various roles we have throughout each day, especially with women. 

But what does it mean? 

Have you ever thought about what “being enough” really looks like? What is “enough” to you? How do you know when you’ve loved your spouse or kids well enough? How do you know when you’ve loved your parents or siblings enough? How do you know when you’ve done enough? How do you know when you’re successful enough?

This got me thinking even more. Success and Enough go hand in hand. Along with asking yourself what enough is to you, what is success to you? The definition of success is the accomplishment of an aim or purpose. This is not a one size fits all definition. Success looks different to every person as it should. We are all made uniquely with different visions, abilities, calls and gifts. Success to me isn’t going to apply to you unless you’re in my exact circumstances, have the same beliefs, desires, contributions, etc. 

For me, I am working a full time job every single day that legitimately does not fuel me, is not my purpose and is not my definition of success. But it helps me take steps forward to achieving my definition of success for sure! For me, that looks like coaching every day, being more consistent in writing content for you all, for developing leaders in the corporate setting with freelance coaching, for working on my own terms, for myself and doing most of it (with the exception of those few corporate trainings I do each year) from home. It’s being able to enjoy my child (and God willing a couple more) and husband, getting to travel when I want and never missing a beat with my business. It’s living a life that inspires others to live their dreams without fear or hesitation! 

That’s success to me and the biggest part of that also describes my “enough”.  Being able to enjoy my life. 

As a society, we have been conditioned to believe that being busy means we are being productive and successful. We have glorified that term “busy” so much that the majority of people walking around are unhealthy, stressed out, and over 40 million Americans have developed anxiety because of it all. We are filling every minute of every day with whatever we can to be the most productive, to reach that level of enough or to reach someone else’s definition of success. What if we said “that’s enough”? What if we started living for our own definition of enough? Our own definition of success that gives us time to enjoy our one life? What if we schedule in time to rest and recover from all the “busy”? What does that look like for you? 

This holiday season, ENOUGH is my word. I will buy “enough” gifts for others to give but not so much that is tightens the belt on my bank account or feels excessive. I will eat just “enough” food to satiate me but not to the point that I am miserable for three hours after the kitchen is cleaned up. I will enjoy my loved ones “enough” that I still love them when I leave but not to the point that I feel exhausted mentally and emotionally. I will schedule “enough” things for me to do each day that I feel productive but I am not busy. Rest and recovery will be part of that list as well. 

So what does enough look like for you? How do you define success for your life? Most of all, how will you implement that into your daily life starting today?

If you aren’t sure or you need help with this, especially now as the holidays can often be overwhelming and hard, book a clarity call with me using this link

XOXO, 

Kameran

Approval, Appetite and Ambition. How the 3 A’s are wrecking your life.

Do you ever catch yourself in the worry of the future? Anxiety. Do you live from a place of fear that there isn’t enough time, money, food, space, or other resource you need? This is called appetite. Appetite is the life drift that tells you “you’ll never have enough”. It’s a mindset that has you constantly believing there’s a need and searching for whatever will satisfy that “need”. People with eating disorders have this as a primary life drift. I am a recovering food addict. If I didn’t feel like there was enough money or enough time or enough (fill in the blank with just about anything), I went face first into whatever unhealthy food choice I could. Usually it was carbs. Anyone else feel me on this? A vat of queso and chips maybe? Or maybe it goes the opposite way. The same is said for a poverty mindset versus those who are materialistic. You feel like there will never be enough so you hoard what you can get your hands on. All appetite. All from a place of fear.

Do you have endless to-do lists? Do you go to bed feeling a supreme amount of guilt for not getting that to-do list completed today? Maybe you can relate to having been called a “workaholic” before or you have a completely apathetic outlook on life. This life drift is called ambition. When you’re in the middle of this life drift, you have an intense desire to win at all costs. Ambition creates this back and forth of weakness and strength inside you. Weakness in that the life drift says “you’ll never do enough” to be successful; strength when you get close or cut those corners to win. Weakness comes again with the guilt in not completely finishing the list or in the lack of integrity it took to win. 

One of the most common drifts I experience in coaching clients is that of approval. Can you think of a time in your life where you compared yourself to someone else? Or, did you do something that went against everything you value because you thought it might make someone befriend you or like you more? Have you ever felt rejected and thought about how you just wish you could “be enough”? Are you a recovering people pleaser? I’m only asking because as the President of Recovering People Pleasers Anonymous, I’d like to shake your hand and formally welcome you to the club.
That constant feeling of rejection and need for unconditional acceptance is that of the approval drift. It’s for not only people pleasers but also those who live life on the notion that “I don’t care what you think of me”. 

The trick here is to be self-aware enough that you recognize the drift you’re in, name it and work through it. If not, you continue running around the triangle of life drifts, weaving in one and out another like the monkey chasing the weasel around the mulberry bush. 

There is power in naming something and even more power when you can apply the resources that you’ve learned. These life drifts are nothing but lies that fill our heads because we are human. Our desires, emotions, subconscious beliefs and inability to control other’s responses to us flood us with negative, self-sabotaging thoughts. By naming the drift you’re experiencing and pulling yourself out of it, you’re able to uplevel, own your success and have a healthy balance of all 3 rather than falling into the gutter. By embracing the balance, you no longer feel the shame, guilt and fear that you do when you’re pulled into the drift trap. 

Not sure how to do this? Fun fact friend, this is what I coach on! Not just this of course, but this is a big part of my 1:1 coaching program. It’s also a lot more intense with a biblical perspective if that’s part of your belief system. 

In any case, be mindful of these life drifts in the coming weeks and let me know how this short teaching has helped you! I love to hear from my community! 

Get your life together, Linda!

“At what age do people finally have their sh!t together”…asking for a friend. Ok, not really. That friend is me. 

Three different people have asked me this question this week or have posted it on social media. Three different people struggling like everyone else in the world. My answer? Never. Don’t stop reading. Stick with me here. I don’t say never as in “you don’t ever have your poop in a group”. I say this because that’s actually not a thing. Let me explain.

Your life is uniquely yours. The job you have, the number of kids you have, the relationships you cultivate every day, the passions you have, and the purpose you live out each day, all unique to you. The saying “ having it all together” is only relative to that person’s circumstances. So when you look at someone else and think “Dang! That person has it together and I don’t”, also remind yourself of the great Mark Twain who said “comparison is the thief of joy”. It truly is. The deck you’re playing the hell out of is not even close to being the same deck as those you’re comparing yourself to. That person may not be able to home-school 5 kids under the age of 12 like you rock the socks off every single day. That person may not be able to create the most beautiful art people have ever seen like you. Some may not even have the motivation to vacuum but here you are with the most spotless house people have ever been in and you have 3 babies under 5. The gifts you possess are nothing short of remarkable. You are the only one who can achieve the success of the dreams you have or accomplish the tasks you can the way you can. Ever notice that certain people can live in a self-created jungle and others (yours truly) can’t keep a succulent alive for a week? Differently unique. 

The whole point here is to stop comparing yourself to other people. It’s doing you no good. It’s bringing you down and making you feel inadequate. Nobody needs any more of that than society puts on us already. 

Own your strengths! Be PROUD of yourself. The last email you got was on gratitude. When you’re writing your list of 10 things you’re grateful for every day, write down a few things you can do that nobody else can do. You are a phenomenal woman, even when your life feels like a circus and you are The Greatest Showman! You’re doing a fantastic job with the cards you’ve been dealt in this season of life. Own it and rather than letting that comparison steal your joy, BRING THE JOY! Be proud of others for their excellence but be even more proud of yourself for all of your excellence! 

Until next week, love each other and love yourself harder. 

The Journey Begins

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton

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I changed my major 9 times in college. NINE. I graduated with a degree in elementary education because I was being pressured to “just get a degree in something” Elementary education had the most credit hours so that’s what stuck. Upon graduating, I taught for four years but wasn’t ever completely fulfilled. I still felt there was a void that wasn’t filled. So I went back to college…and changed majors two more times. Eleven majors and I still wasn’t sure “what I wanted to be when I grew up”. I’ve always known I was meant to help others. I’m a 2 on the enneagram for crying out loud. A two. The Helper. After getting a minor in marketing, moving to Dallas, TX and working in a marketing firm for 4 years, I was fired three weeks after coming back from medical leave. The stress had worn me down to the point of my adrenals almost completely quitting on me and when I went back, fired. At this point I started to question everything. Who am I? What now? I’m not fulfilled in corporate America so what am I supposed to do with my life? My career? How will I feed my son, pay bills, LIVE? It was daunting and I was lost. I was depressed and I was stuck.

It was at that point, trying to juggle everything and feeling like a complete failure, I joined a coaching group that focused on helping me find myself. WOW! Coaching helped me uncover my core values and what my highest self looks like. It helped me look at my past and the way that God has shaped every experience to lead me here. The most exciting part of the coaching though taught me to define myself in two words. Two words to describe what I do, no matter what I do. Those two words: Recognizing Potential.