Approval, Appetite and Ambition. How the 3 A’s are wrecking your life.

Do you ever catch yourself in the worry of the future? Anxiety. Do you live from a place of fear that there isn’t enough time, money, food, space, or other resource you need? This is called appetite. Appetite is the life drift that tells you “you’ll never have enough”. It’s a mindset that has you constantly believing there’s a need and searching for whatever will satisfy that “need”. People with eating disorders have this as a primary life drift. I am a recovering food addict. If I didn’t feel like there was enough money or enough time or enough (fill in the blank with just about anything), I went face first into whatever unhealthy food choice I could. Usually it was carbs. Anyone else feel me on this? A vat of queso and chips maybe? Or maybe it goes the opposite way. The same is said for a poverty mindset versus those who are materialistic. You feel like there will never be enough so you hoard what you can get your hands on. All appetite. All from a place of fear.

Do you have endless to-do lists? Do you go to bed feeling a supreme amount of guilt for not getting that to-do list completed today? Maybe you can relate to having been called a “workaholic” before or you have a completely apathetic outlook on life. This life drift is called ambition. When you’re in the middle of this life drift, you have an intense desire to win at all costs. Ambition creates this back and forth of weakness and strength inside you. Weakness in that the life drift says “you’ll never do enough” to be successful; strength when you get close or cut those corners to win. Weakness comes again with the guilt in not completely finishing the list or in the lack of integrity it took to win. 

One of the most common drifts I experience in coaching clients is that of approval. Can you think of a time in your life where you compared yourself to someone else? Or, did you do something that went against everything you value because you thought it might make someone befriend you or like you more? Have you ever felt rejected and thought about how you just wish you could “be enough”? Are you a recovering people pleaser? I’m only asking because as the President of Recovering People Pleasers Anonymous, I’d like to shake your hand and formally welcome you to the club.
That constant feeling of rejection and need for unconditional acceptance is that of the approval drift. It’s for not only people pleasers but also those who live life on the notion that “I don’t care what you think of me”. 

The trick here is to be self-aware enough that you recognize the drift you’re in, name it and work through it. If not, you continue running around the triangle of life drifts, weaving in one and out another like the monkey chasing the weasel around the mulberry bush. 

There is power in naming something and even more power when you can apply the resources that you’ve learned. These life drifts are nothing but lies that fill our heads because we are human. Our desires, emotions, subconscious beliefs and inability to control other’s responses to us flood us with negative, self-sabotaging thoughts. By naming the drift you’re experiencing and pulling yourself out of it, you’re able to uplevel, own your success and have a healthy balance of all 3 rather than falling into the gutter. By embracing the balance, you no longer feel the shame, guilt and fear that you do when you’re pulled into the drift trap. 

Not sure how to do this? Fun fact friend, this is what I coach on! Not just this of course, but this is a big part of my 1:1 coaching program. It’s also a lot more intense with a biblical perspective if that’s part of your belief system. 

In any case, be mindful of these life drifts in the coming weeks and let me know how this short teaching has helped you! I love to hear from my community!