change Archives

Think back to January 1, 2021. Did you make the New Years Resolution to have a better marriage? Now you’re almost through October and as you look back, not much has changed?

It’s not too late! You still have 71 days left in the year! That’s a lot of time to make a BIG difference!

When you look at the big changes over time, they never happened with one big event anyway. It started with a few small habits, a few tweaks and changes here and there and after time, voila! HUGE CHANGE!

Start with things you’re already doing.
You already pack your spouse’s lunch- include a note of appreciation. When you watch TV together at night- hold their hand or share a blanket. Eating dinner is a given- help them clean up afterward. When you wake up in the morning, make a point to say good morning before reaching for your phone. Put your phone background as a picture of the two of you together so when you reach for your phone 86 times a day like every other average American (yes, that is a real statistic), you’ll see their face and remember to send a nice text, communicate the time you’re coming home or just feel some sense of appreciation for being their partner in life.

Habits are often thought to be a verb- something you do. They’re not. The word habit is actually a noun which means it has to be created. It needs to be attached to something you’re already doing so it’s easier to do and not forget. It’s also something that if done consistently, over time makes a big impact!

Habits are the reason for a relationship’s downfall and for a relationship being strong! When you have poor habits that prioritize your kids, your job, the television, social media, etc. You aren’t prioritizing your marriage. So the marriage breaks down. What you put intentional effort into is what will become stronger over time. Just like muscle groups. When you work it out intentional effort, it gets stronger.

What habits will you be implementing? I’d love to know! Comment below!

Your coach,

Kameran

Over the past few weeks I can’t help but think about all the things that are changing. The leaves in other parts of the country, not here of course because Texas doesn’t have seasons. We have a baby coming in a few short weeks, several deaths have happened in my family these past couple weeks, all change. Some positive, others a little harder. But it got me thinking.

Many people in life and even myself a few years ago struggle so much with change. It triggers anxiety and fear. Clients I’ve worked with have even admitted to not moving ahead with their goals and dreams because it will invoke some sort of change. Honestly, I get it. I’m definitely no stranger to change- divorce, moving, deaths, career changes, etc.

But have you ever thought about the deeper meaning behind the change and why it brings about the fear and struggle?

In a word- expectations. When things change, it’s not the loss of the situation itself that we have a hard time with. It’s the loss of the expectations we had around that situation, the loss of hope we had for that situation.

For example, when a divorce happens, it’s not that we mourn the loss of the spouse or we wouldn’t be divorcing them. It’s the loss of the idea that “it wasn’t supposed to be this way”. It’s the loss of the expectation that we were supposed to have a partner, that our partner was supposed to be/do/act a certain way, that our kids were supposed to grow up differently, that the way things looked were supposed to look differently.

When we change careers, we struggle with the expectations that surrounded the past career. If we were let go, we may grieve the expectation that we didn’t get to leave on our own terms, that that specific career was supposed to be our plan A and we have no plan B.

Death is no different. We know that death is inevitable for us all. When someone dies we mourn the expectations we had around that person- that they’d be around to see our children grow up, be there to talk to when we needed them, be there to fulfill a role that we expected of them.

So how do we accept change and lessen the struggle?

First, we accept that we are not in control. There are many factors in life that we cannot control- the stability of a company, when God will call our loved ones home, the transfer of a spouse, etc.
Secondly, re-frame the expectations. Notice how many times I wrote “supposed to” above. Who says? Who says what things are supposed to look like? No one and I do mean no one lives the same life you life, pays the exact same bills each month, makes the same decisions you do, raises the same kids, is married to the same person, etc. YOU decide what is “supposed to” be. So how can you re-frame what the expectations are now that things have changed? Are expectations truly necessary in the first place? Can you communicate your expectations with others more clearly so that the disappointment, fear, anger, and negativity are less in the future?

What does your mindset say about change? Do you need help altering your mindset to be more accepting?

If so, reach out. I’d love to work with you to overcome your anxieties, fears and thought process around change.

XOXO,

Kameran

What Do Your Habits Say About Your Marriage?

Changing Perspective