“Do you love me?”
“You never show me that you want me.”
“Do you even want to be married anymore?”
You may be thinking, “OF COURSE I LOVE YOU!” but you’re not one to really show your emotions.
For men, this is more typical than women as men are often conditioned as they’re growing up to never express emotion. Emotions are seen as weak, unnecessary and unneeded. Though there are some women who have been conditioned to believe the same.
In reality, everyone has emotions. How we express those emotions can be healthy or unhealthy. They can send a message to our partner.
However, if they remain unexpressed, that also sends a message to our partner. Most of the time, that message isn’t a positive one.
Even though the feelings of love, adoration, desire and gratitude for their partner are felt, when they aren’t expressed, the other partner interprets that differently. The partner who isn’t told they are loved, wanted and adored perceives their spouse as being resentful, having no love at all, and not wanting to be married. They feel rejected and after long bouts of this, they feel emotionally disconnected as well. Thus, the negative spiral starts.
People need to hear and see that they are loved, wanted, respected, adored, needed, appreciated, and accepted for who they are.
That sounds like:
“Thank you for doing the dishes tonight. I appreciate the extra help.”
“I love you so much. I’m grateful you’re mine.”
“Thank you for the way you provide for our family and the way you show up in this world.”
“You are such an amazing man/woman.”
“I don’t know what I would do without you.”
The biggest part to this is that your actions match your words. Do you show them and tell them?
Allison Krause was wrong. You don’t say it best when you say nothing at all. It’s a romantic concept but doesn’t work long term.
If you haven’t told your partner how much you love and appreciate them lately, do it today. It may be exactly what they need to hear in this moment and will certainly better your relationship.
Your coach,
Kameran