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The Top 10 Reasons You NEED PreMarital Coaching

Last updated on: Published by: Recognizing Potential Coaching 0

You’ve planned your wedding day for months, maybe even over a year! Everything from the flowers to the caterer, the cake, the DJ, the venue, the guests, the list goes on and on. But have you planned for your marriage? 

The build up to the wedding day is so extravagent but many couples wake up the next morning still giddy that you get to say “Good morning husband. Good morning wife.” Yet, there’s a sinking feeling in the pit of their stomach like “What now?” 

This is where premarital coaching thrives. If you’ve planned for your marriage like you’ve planned for your wedding, you wake up with confidence knowing you’ve got this! Here are the top 10 reasons why premarital coaching is so important! 

1. Did you know that in a study done by the Health Research Fund, couples who took some kind of premarital counseling/coaching course had over 30% more satisfaction in their marriage than those who didn’t take a course before marriage? 

2. Love is a verb not a noun. 
There will be seasons in your marriage that are hard. You may not “feel” in love with your spouse. I know it’s hard to believe now but it’s true. You may not be happy and you may wonder if it’s time to call it quits. The answer here is no. It’s not time to call it quits, it’s time to push through and get to the root. When you get premarital coaching, you will be given tools and preparation for these times. You’ll learn how to navigate these waters so when it sneaks up on you, you’re prepared and can row through it quickly and successfully. 

3. Coaching is less than 10% of your total wedding budget! The average cost of a wedding in 2021 is $30,433 in the US. Coaching for 12 sessions is only 5% of that total cost. Planning for your lifetime literally costs you less than your cake and that’s perishable. 

4.Speaking of perishable, many of the items you purchase for your big day are. Many items will be rented and given back or only used once and then stored or put on facebook marketplace. The tools you gain in marriage coaching are used again and again, like a family recipe book that you use for every situation, need and conflict.

5. You’re setting your future children up for success as well. These habits you develop, tools you use and put into practice are also handed down to your kids as they learn what a solid marriage looks like and how to model theirs after yours. A healthy marriage leads to a healthy life overall and a healthy family. 

6. Learn how to fight fair. 
Conflict is inevitable in marriage. Most people bring in fight styles they’ve learned from their parents or in past relationships. Many of these fight styles aren’t healthy. With coaching, you learn how to fight fair so you’re fighting together instead of against each other.
Remember: if you don’t have arguments, what you do have is a lot of secrets.

7. Learn how to connect. 
Remember those times where you’re not going to “feel in love”. These and other times will require more connection. Every person feels connection differently. Now is the time to learn how to connect with your partner on a deeper level. Learn how to be and have attentiveness, responsiveness and engagement.

8. Opportunities for growth
If you never set goals for your marriage, never work on yourself and your marriage, eventually you’ll become complacent. Complacency is the killer of happiness. Coaching provides an opportunity for you and your partner to find out where you/your relationship needs some growth. Growth leads to more satisfaction and fulfillment both as an individual and in the relationship.

9. Beat the divorce statistic
America has the 6th highest divorce rate in the world with about 50% of marriages ending in divorce. Premarital coaching starts working against that statistic the moment you sign up by giving you the awareness, tools and preparation you need. Failure happens because of improper planning or lack of execution. Coaching gives you a plan, actions and accountability.

10. There is no instruction manual to marriage or parenting but coaching gives you the tools and the toolbox with a guidebook. Without it, you’re putting together a marriage blind and with only the tools you’ve learned from others…but are they the right tools for you? 

A commonly asked question is “I’m already married and didn’t do premarital coaching! I wish we had! Is it too late?” NO! Ideally, you want to do this before you get married but it’s never too late to start adding tools to your toolbelt! 

If you or someone you know is getting married and interested in coaching, email me at coaching@recognizingpotential.com for more information or to sign up. I only take 5 couples a month so don’t wait! I look forward to working with you! 

Your coach, 

Kameran 

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How I Changed My Life…

Last updated on: Published by: Recognizing Potential Coaching 0

Some of you know my story. Some of you don’t but 8 years ago this week my life looked drastically different than it does now.

My best friend had just passed away unexpectedly at 8 months pregnant. 
My husband and I were having the same exact argument every 90 days with no change. We were beyond broke. Like so broke I couldn’t afford gas to drive the 4 hour trip to go home for the weekend, couldn’t buy new clothes, credit cards were all maxed out and I came home to no electricity more than a couple times. I filed for divorce, moved out on my own for the first time and had developed the belief that living by myself with a 2 year old was not safe. In hindsight, it probably wasn’t but not because of people, because it was so janky the floor may have fallen through at any moment and I’m pretty sure there was tetanus in every inch of the staircase outside that lead to the only laundry unit. I was a full-time college student, trying to get another degree because I couldn’t be a single mom on a teacher’s salary. (another limiting belief) I was working 3 part time jobs to make ends meet and vividly remember opening the door to the refrigerator one night only to discover a small jar of pickles and one slice of cheese. We had put everything in my name and when I got divorced, my ex-husband decided he didn’t need to help pay child support, or his half of the $40,000 in debt we’d accumulated over the 5 years we were married. I weighed 260 lbs and ate all my feelings. All. The. Feelings. The picture above is a before (top) and after (bottom). I’m about 90% sure that’s the only picture from around that time because of the pure embarrassment I had with looking at myself in the mirror. 

You can imagine at this point I was pretty low. Depressed and had debilitating anxiety. I watched reruns of One Tree Hill night after night because the anxiety was too bad to sleep. Hot Mess Express doesn’t even begin to cover it. 

I had to get it together, for myself and for my son. I started with what I knew. I knew my basic needs had to be met which meant food and sleep. I swallowed my pride and the limiting beliefs that I was a piece of crap if I got on food stamps. That’s what it’s there for. People who need temporary help, that was me. I had my cousin send me a bottle of lavender essential oil and a blend she made up for anxiety. I used these religiously and my anxiety got a little better, enough to at least sleep through the night. I finished school and with bribing Mason at 2 and a half to be SUPER quiet for 15 minutes while we sat in a Walgreen’s parking lot, I interviewed for a job in Dallas and got it. We moved 6 days later with a lot of help! I knew one person but I also knew deep down this job would propel me forward. It did. It helped me get back on my feet and introduced me to some of the greatest friends and mentors I still have today. 

I got off food stamps when I moved and I called a lady I knew from when I was married that’s a financial planner. She did my financial needs analysis for free, as she does all families and I followed it to the letter. I never had extra money to do a lot of trips or anything more than hitting the zoo once every few months but I paid that $40,000 debt off in 4 years. I still got no help with child support so I did that all on my own too. I didn’t have cable or anything that wasn’t necessary. I got real good at finding free entertainment for Mason and I to enjoy and still use that little trick to this day! 

Time management, grit, determination and a lot of swallowing my pride and asking for help made a huge difference in my success. I made a plan and I stuck to it. When I felt like I had kind of gotten a hold of my life, I borrowed the P90X program from a friend and I lost 30 lbs. with it. Shortly after, I met Moe which is a whole different story for another day.

But if I could give you any advice at all, I’d say- Have Persistence. Was it all easy? No. It was hard as hell! But I believed in myself and I believed that the steps I was taking, no matter how small, were still steps forward and would eventually pay off. 

8 years later, I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I’ll be completely debt free except for my student loans by 2021. I’m having another baby (something I never thought would be in my cards again), happily married and truly thriving. A lot of that growth came from taking a hard look in the mirror, getting rid of the limiting beliefs and reading…so much reading. I read on everything I needed help with, success stories I could learn from, parenting hacks, anything that could possibly get me where I wanted to go. It took working hard and smart. It took doing what wasn’t always popular and not always what I wanted but what I needed. Lastly, it took having a circle of people I wanted to be like, people who were smarter than me, more financially independent than me, people I could learn from to help me grow instead of people who only held me back. 

If you or someone you know is in this same situation, just know that like those food stamps, it’s temporary if you want it to be. It’s 100% possible to claw your way out of any hole you’re in. Just keep moving in the right direction. 

XOXO, 

Kameran