Struggling With Self-Worth?

Last updated on: Published by: Recognizing Potential Coaching 0

You are incredible, strong, intelligent, admired, beautiful and worthy! Yes, YOU! 

What was your first thought when you read that? Was it “YEAH! I am! Thanks, Kam!” or was it “Well…I don’t know about that.” 

One of the top things that people are struggling with, not just women but men too, is self-worth. We have struggled so much over the past 18 months. We’ve tried to do more, be more, have more, make ends meet, and do it all perfectly that we’ve convinced ourselves that we aren’t worthy of having, doing or being what we were meant for.

Ephesians 2:10 talks about how we are God’s MASTERPIECE! Now, when I think masterpiece, I think Van Gogh, Picasso, Monet. Would you compare yourself to something as exquisite as a piece by one of these incredible artists? And yet, God was even more incredible of an artist than these human men! 

Here’s what’s holding you back from having the self-worth you need to move forward. 

Mindset and the Source of Resistance.
Pay attention to the thoughts you have about yourself every day. If there are more negative than positive, that’s where you start. Catch yourself when you’re thinking something negative and reframe it to be true and positive. I’m not saying you have to make things up just to be positive. I’m talking about having the self-awareness to look at all your greatness and celebrate that while simultaneously recognizing what’s holding you back. Is it that you don’t believe you can achieve your goals because no one in your family has successfully ever done what you want to do before? Where does your mind go when people give you a compliment? What’s holding you back from achieving your goals? 

Find your purpose & stick with it.
How often do you absolutely love something but you quit because you don’t think you’re making progress fast enough? 
We live in a world of immediate gratification and avoidance of pain. We have to rewire our thinking to stop believing that if we don’t get that pat on the head right away or we struggle longer than a day, it means that our efforts are trash, we are trash and we need to quit and never attempt it again. No. We need patience, perseverance and maybe to pivot our efforts or get help! If we were given this passion, there’s a reason for it. Lessons will be inevitable. Those lessons usually come with a source of pain.

Stop living for everyone else. 
Raise your hand if you are a people pleaser or a recovering people pleaser. (This is me, raising my hand for the recovering side too!) People with a healthy self-worth of their own will push you up, help you obtain the resources and tools needed to help you be more successful. Those who lack self-worth will tear you down, criticize and control out of fear that you’ll be more successful than they believe they can be. Remember that you will never be criticized by people doing more than you. 

Bottom line here, to have a better self-worth, you have to start with yourself. I’ve preached emotional intelligence until I’m about blue in the face lately but that’s because it’s so needed in this world and this topic falls under the EQ category. To increase your EQ and your self-worth, you have to build resilience, start telling yourself more positive than negative self-affirmations, stop living for everyone else and jump on those opportunities knocking at your door. Set boundaries on your time, money and energy expended. Change what needs to be changed. Get help if needed and above all, celebrate your wins! 

You are needed in this world! The only one able to do what you do, like you do, is you! That’s pretty remarkable! 

Your coach, 

Kameran 

P.S- if this is an area where you have struggled for more than just a short season in your life, consider jumping into my EQ & You program! Chances are, your lack of self-worth is what’s held you back in life for years and we can change that before the end of the year! 

How Your Childhood Is Affecting Your Marriage

Last updated on: Published by: Recognizing Potential Coaching 0

I’ll never forget the day I yelled to my then 3 year old son as he jumped off the chair “We do NOT have time for an Emergency Room visit today!” and thought Oh Dear Lord, I’ve become my mother. If you have kids, I’m sure you can relate. 

Our experiences as a child shape us and give us our subconscious and conscious beliefs. They also shape our relationships. How we fight, how we think about money, how we parent our own children, even how we respond (or don’t) to our spouses. 

It starts with the parenting. There are four main types: 
Authoritarian: children are taught to obey without question. Parents often have the “children should be seen, not heard” mindset. When it comes to rules, it’s very much the “my way is the highway” or “I am the parent and I said so.” kind of thinking. It sounds like “quit crying or I’ll give you something to cry about.” Kids are taught to comply out of fear for the punishment, not out of true respect. 
This has high accountability but low acceptance. 

Permissive Parenting: children are left to do as they please for the most part. Rules, boundaries and consequences are not enforced very often. The thought patterns here are “kids will be kids”. It sounds like “sure, do whatever you want.”
This has high acceptance and low accountability.

Uninvolved or Neglectful Parenting: children are left to fend for themselves, aren’t asked about their day, and rarely have their needs met. Parenting of this sort may be intentional or unintentional- having a mental illness or lack of education of a child’s development and abilities. It has no sound because parents aren’t there or don’t care enough to ask/respond.
This has low acceptance and low accountability. 

Authoritative Parenting: children are taught rules, responsibilities and respect while their emotional needs are met. Rules are explained as to why things are the way they are and emotions are not only identified but also validated. It sounds like “If you hit me with the toy again, we will put the toy away until tomorrow.” When they do it again, they lose the toy as a privilege. “I understand you are angry but that hurts me and it’s not ok to hurt people. You may choose another toy if you can be safe with it.” After the child has calmed down, the behavior is addressed and a healthier way of dealing with their anger is discussed. The reaction is respectful and age appropriate. It helps kids learn natural consequences- a skill that will be vital to the rest of their life. It’s not a punishment based on the parent’s anger. At the same time, emotions are being identified, validated and the kids are being taught how to work through them.  
This has high acceptance and high accountability.

Most of us, including myself, were brought up with authoritarian parenting styles. Our parents were brought up with that style and there’s a good chance that unless you researched this before you had kids, you’re bringing your kids up the same way. No judgment!

The only issue with that is that it doesn’t address emotions and most of our lives are run off of emotional signals. Many of the decisions we make are based on emotions felt. How we react to our partner, our children, our boss- all based on emotions. If we don’t learn to regulate those when we are kids and we’re only taught to comply because an authoritarian said so, we become adults who still can’t process and regulate emotions.

Thus, we get into a relationship and we lose our temper, walk away while our partner is still speaking, stop listening and start getting defensive at the first sign of criticism or complaint, we “love” our spouse but only when things are good. We have no self-awareness meaning we don’t know what we’re feeling or why we’re reacting the way we are. We have no spousal awareness- what they’re feeling despite ALL the cues being there or how to react to them. We get angry at our kids for having a meltdown because their communication of an unmet need isn’t ok with us…because of how it looks to other people around us. Read that again.

We can’t teach our children to regulate their emotions because we can’t regulate ours. 

All behavior, even in adults, is simply communication of a met or unmet need.

The good news: this is a skill that can be learned no matter what age or stage you’re in! You can learn to face adversity, have perseverance, have empathy, self-regulate, improve relationships and have more success in business just by improving your emotional intelligence! It definitely takes effort and consistent work to rewire your brain like that but it’s worth it! As someone who has worked for over 3 years on this skill, I can tell you it’s absolutely possible and the results are much more calm, satisfying and productive!

I created a course that does just that because as a former teacher, I saw a need. As a relationship coach and parent, I see an even bigger need. If this email resonated with you and you thought even for a second “I think she’s talking to me.” Get in here! It’s going to be a game changer!  Cheers to your marriage!

Your coach, 

Kameran