Blog Kameran | Certified Marriage Coach | Podcaster| Helping Couples Heal & Strengthen Their Relationship

Happy Tuesday!
This month, I had the honor of being a guest coach for another group that is coached by a lady I met in a mastermind I was in a few months back. She asked me to coach on communication as it pertains to every situation, not only in relationships. I thought today, I’d share some of those nuggets with you!

Ever wonder why so many fights start over Facebook? Aside from the fact that everyone seems to be a keyboard warrior, people all have differing opinions because we are complicated individuals with complicated emotions and experiences. It’s also because communication is made up of 58% body language, 35% tone of voice and only 7% words used. That means that 93% of the communication we receive over social media, text message or through a blog post can easily be misconstrued due to not seeing the person’s body language or hearing their tone.

Here are 5 quick communication tips for improving all relationships!

1. Positive Sentiment Override.
Stable relationships have a 5:1 positive to negative comment ratio in them. The old addage that “those who are appreciated will always do more than is expected” absolutely applies in business, parenting and in marriage. If you aren’t appreciated by your boss, do you want to do more for your job? If your kids are always being asked to do things for you without a thank you, do they want to help more? What about your spouse? Do you want to do for them when you feel like they’re negative and coming down on you all the time? Check yourself first. How can you offer more positive comments to those in your circle?

2. Listen!
You were given 2 ears and 1 mouth for a reason. Use accordingly.

3. Soft Startups.
We need to talk, You always, You never. Think of communication like a gate. Using these phrases immediately closes the gate and builds a wall behind it. Instead, try saying something like “Hey, when you’re in the headspace to discuss finances (this morning’s meeting, your grades) let me know.” This gives the person you’re needing to speak with a heads up and allows them to meet their basic needs so they can show up to the conversation more fully, prepared and ready to be present and calm.

4. “I notice and I’m wondering…”
This is an emotionally healthy technique to starting a conversation around something someone has done that you’re irritated with. For example, your child or your spouse leaves their clothes on the bathroom floor…again. You’ve only had this conversation about 300,000 times. So rather than losing your sh*t…again, try starting with “I notice that your clothes are on the bathroom floor and I’m wondering if you remember the conversation we’ve had regarding this.” This is not only a soft startup, it’s friendly reminder, provided that you aren’t using a condescending tone. “I notice that you haven’t finished your part of our project yet and I’m wondering if you need help or if you want to have a lunch meeting to discuss some ideas.” A very polite way of saying, Hey…get on it, pal!

5. Basic Needs!
You have to meet your basic needs of food, water and sleep before you can politely and rationally engage in a serious conversation. Think of it like a toddler throwing a tantrum in the middle of Target. They’re probably tired or hungry. They aren’t trying to be a brat on purpose. You’re not much different and neither are the people you’re engaging with. If your boss is hungry and you throw a major decision their way or a fire they need to put out without warning, they’re probably going to respond a little more aggressively than they would normally. Same with your spouse if you throw a budget question at them as soon as they walk in from a long day at work. Meet your basic needs, ask if they’re in the headspace and then engage.

Hopefully this helps and if you’d like even more communication tools you can start implimenting immediately to connect with your partner, sign up for my FREE 3 day challenge starting TOMORROW, Wednesday, April 7 at 6PM CST! This is only through Zoom and exclusive to only those who sign up! You’ll get an email reminder of when we’re going live and an email of the replay afterwards! Can’t wait to see you there!

XOXO,

Kameran

When you were little and people would ask “What do you want to be when you grow up?” you answered with whatever your dream career was at the time with such pride and confidence. There wasn’t a question or concern that it wouldn’t happen. The next week that career dream would change but the level of confidence and pride that you answered with certainly didn’t.

We are all that way and yet somewhere along the way, fear set in. Someone, maybe society, maybe a person we know and love told us we couldn’t. We couldn’t live into that dream because of one reason or another and our faith in ourself began to fade. The belief that we truly could be anything melted into becoming an adult and taking care of responsibilities.

Did you choose your career or was your career chosen for you based on a set of circumstances? Or maybe based on someone telling you that you needed to “just pick something and get out of college”? If you had it all to do over, would you choose something else? What would it be?

Did that doubt creep back in? “Oh but I couldn’t ever actually do that. I’m too old/young/fat/skinny/out of the loop/busy to start over…the list of excuses is endless.

Now I’m here to tell you this. In the Younique program we talk a lot about taking the risk to go. Moving, taking the step that God is calling you toward and borrowing His faith in you the way that a toddler borrows their own parent’s faith when they’re learning to walk. They aren’t sure that they can take those steps and be successful at walking but their parents know and that’s good enough for that sweet baby. We also talk a lot about the fact that God bestows a certain recipe of gifts, talents and abilities within each of us. Every single person’s mix is different than anyone else’s and that’s what makes us unique. It’s also what makes us so dang good at what we are called for. Qualified. These are our qualifications. It’s not the job of society or our family or friends to tell us what we can’t do. It’s not the job of our subconscious to interrupt and tell us that we can’t or won’t be successful at whatever the feeling of greatness is calling us to do. It’s our job to borrow the belief in ourselves from God, take the risk and move.

God doesn’t call the qualified. He qualifies the called. By answering that call and accepting the growth and gifts He is giving you, you’re able to step into your calling with purpose, confidence and pride just the way you answered when you were little. You can do what you’re called to do because you’re the only one with the magic mix that you have! After a while you won’t have to borrow that belief anymore. You’ll have your own belief in yourself that this is where you belong and what you’re meant to do.

I had no idea what a life coach was when I first completed the Younique course and at the time, nobody on this earth needed a life coach more than my hot mess express self. But here I am 3 years later, the best version of myself I’ve ever been with the happiest, healthiest marriage I never thought I’d have and while I don’t even pretend to have it all together, I am supremely satisfied with my growth and the life I’ve built intentionally and my calling to help others do the same.

If you’re wanting that too, click here and let’s make that happen. Maybe God’s waiting for you to jump so he can start qualifying you too!

XOXO,

Kameran