social media Archives

You know in a traditional wedding ceremony where the officiant repeats the bible verse Mark 10:9 “Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate”.

I have always loved that part, thinking that it was a way to keep people from coming between the bride and the groom.

What if that verse isn’t just meant to keep other people out of our marriage though? What if we are the ones separating our own union?

For example, do you ever feel like your spouse spends more time on their phone than they do in conversation or connection with you? When you wake up in the morning, do you scroll social media before you even say good morning to your love?

I recently heard Kevin Hart say that his world was rocked and he had to reprioritize his life when he was told that he was “married to his job and dating his family”. Is work coming between you and your spouse?

Growing up, I had a friend that lived across the street and her mom and dad always put each other before the kids. Even at 7 and 8 years old, I noticed and admired that. The concept of putting your spouse’s needs before the kids is commendable and rare. Of course, there are exceptions like if you have an infant that needs fed or whatnot. For the most part though, do the kids come first or second on your priority list?

One of the reasons I divorced my first husband was that he could never set the boundary with his mother when she called and asked for money or didn’t respect the boundary I had set. Are in-laws intruding in your marriage?

Here are some other possible “intruders”:

outside hobbies and interests (hunting season anyone?)
TV
Friends
Addictions
Affairs
Church functions

What you invest the majority of your time in directly correlates to what you value most. If you put more time into your phone than you do connection with your spouse, your value is not on your marriage but on the highlight reel of other’s lives.

Reflecting on those values and the time put into your marriage, if you find yourself saying “Well, life just happened”, chances are that the bond you have with your spouse is fragile.

So how do you get out of the habit of valuing the wrong things?

Understand that your marriage is only as strong as the value you put on it. If you want a Target brand marriage, make a couple tweaks but mostly keep doing what you’re doing. If you want a Louis Vuitton marriage, you’re going to have to pay a higher price.

Meaning, you’re going to have to lay out a plan. That might mean no phones in the bedroom, no screens after 9 PM, setting boundaries with family, friends, work, etc. Getting help with addictions and affairs or your marriage as a whole. Cutting out what is lower on your list of values and starting new habits that give meaning and priority to what’s most important to you and your goals.

Take another part of the marriage ceremony, the “forsaking all others” into consideration. Forsake what is coming between the connection you and your spouse have.

As always, if you need help with this or feel that you and your spouse aren’t aligning on what you value, email me at coaching@recognizingpotential.com and let’s do a pop-up session together to help you get on the same page!

Cheers to your marriage!

Your coach,

Kameran

P.S.- have you signed up for the Good to Great! The 31 day marriage challenge yet? It isn’t your typical “send a cute text” challenge. This is a deep dive into continuous issues, healing and building of a union. Every day you’ll get a short audio lesson, a devotional and some connection challenges do complete emailed directly to you at 5 AM. You’ll spend every day in October in the word, creating a better you and a better marriage. $31 for 31 days!

Happy Tuesday!
This month, I had the honor of being a guest coach for another group that is coached by a lady I met in a mastermind I was in a few months back. She asked me to coach on communication as it pertains to every situation, not only in relationships. I thought today, I’d share some of those nuggets with you!

Ever wonder why so many fights start over Facebook? Aside from the fact that everyone seems to be a keyboard warrior, people all have differing opinions because we are complicated individuals with complicated emotions and experiences. It’s also because communication is made up of 58% body language, 35% tone of voice and only 7% words used. That means that 93% of the communication we receive over social media, text message or through a blog post can easily be misconstrued due to not seeing the person’s body language or hearing their tone.

Here are 5 quick communication tips for improving all relationships!

1. Positive Sentiment Override.
Stable relationships have a 5:1 positive to negative comment ratio in them. The old addage that “those who are appreciated will always do more than is expected” absolutely applies in business, parenting and in marriage. If you aren’t appreciated by your boss, do you want to do more for your job? If your kids are always being asked to do things for you without a thank you, do they want to help more? What about your spouse? Do you want to do for them when you feel like they’re negative and coming down on you all the time? Check yourself first. How can you offer more positive comments to those in your circle?

2. Listen!
You were given 2 ears and 1 mouth for a reason. Use accordingly.

3. Soft Startups.
We need to talk, You always, You never. Think of communication like a gate. Using these phrases immediately closes the gate and builds a wall behind it. Instead, try saying something like “Hey, when you’re in the headspace to discuss finances (this morning’s meeting, your grades) let me know.” This gives the person you’re needing to speak with a heads up and allows them to meet their basic needs so they can show up to the conversation more fully, prepared and ready to be present and calm.

4. “I notice and I’m wondering…”
This is an emotionally healthy technique to starting a conversation around something someone has done that you’re irritated with. For example, your child or your spouse leaves their clothes on the bathroom floor…again. You’ve only had this conversation about 300,000 times. So rather than losing your sh*t…again, try starting with “I notice that your clothes are on the bathroom floor and I’m wondering if you remember the conversation we’ve had regarding this.” This is not only a soft startup, it’s friendly reminder, provided that you aren’t using a condescending tone. “I notice that you haven’t finished your part of our project yet and I’m wondering if you need help or if you want to have a lunch meeting to discuss some ideas.” A very polite way of saying, Hey…get on it, pal!

5. Basic Needs!
You have to meet your basic needs of food, water and sleep before you can politely and rationally engage in a serious conversation. Think of it like a toddler throwing a tantrum in the middle of Target. They’re probably tired or hungry. They aren’t trying to be a brat on purpose. You’re not much different and neither are the people you’re engaging with. If your boss is hungry and you throw a major decision their way or a fire they need to put out without warning, they’re probably going to respond a little more aggressively than they would normally. Same with your spouse if you throw a budget question at them as soon as they walk in from a long day at work. Meet your basic needs, ask if they’re in the headspace and then engage.

Hopefully this helps and if you’d like even more communication tools you can start implimenting immediately to connect with your partner, sign up for my FREE 3 day challenge starting TOMORROW, Wednesday, April 7 at 6PM CST! This is only through Zoom and exclusive to only those who sign up! You’ll get an email reminder of when we’re going live and an email of the replay afterwards! Can’t wait to see you there!

XOXO,

Kameran