vision Archives

Cooler temps, changing leaves and pumpkins are all around! With the seasons changing, this is not only the perfect weather for getting outside, enjoying family and pumpkin spice everything, it’s also the best time to sit down and evaluate some of the habits you’ve picked up in your marriage.

People don’t get divorced and say “I know exactly how we got here!” Usually, it’s more like “I don’t know how we ended up here.” I do. Habits. The small day to day habits that started and snowballed.

Habits like picking up your phone in the evenings instead of intentionally connecting. Putting off adult time or date night because you’re too tired or too busy. Putting the kids and their events above your marriage.

The way to fix or prevent this from happening is simple. With the turn of the seasons, sit down one afternoon or date night and have a conversation. Be open and honest with each other.

1. What is your vision?
Post-pandemic, last quarter of 2021, what is the vision for your life, your family, your career? Think big picture here. What do you need to focus more of to really propel forward? Is it more time as a family? Would cutting some of the extras from your budget to become more financially secure help? How about getting a coach to help your marriage and provide a more stable home life? Do you need a community or a different circle of influence? Would a mindset shift be the ticket?

Hear each other out. If you both have different ideas of what would help, can you combine efforts to do both? As this is a big picture vision, it’s important to think broad here. Don’t try to take on too many smaller tasks. You’ll end up overwhelmed and the small tasks won’t be seen through. Small and simple is best here.

2. Boundaries
If you’ve followed me for any amount of time, I’m sure I sound like a broken record with this one. However, a breakdown in a marriage/family happens because of a lack of boundaries. What do you need to say no to? What do you need to set limits on in this season moving forward? When you visualize where you want your marriage and family to go, what isn’t there? Sometimes moving forward means leaving “the old” behind.

3. Roles
As you’re reflecting on the vision and the boundaries, also think about what’s working and what isn’t. What roles do you play each day? What hats do you wear? Are these roles adding to your life or your stress? I often have couples do an exercise called work | rest. Think about all the things you do daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly, and yearly. Make a list of those according to whether they are work (energy taking) or rest (energy giving) for you. Now compare that list with your spouse. What is on their work list that’s rest for you? Can you take that chore now? What is rest for them that’s work for you? Switch things up as necessary. For example, bedtime routines are work for me but rest for my husband. When possible, that’s a role that he takes on to give me a break. What roles can you add, take away or change to give everyone more energy, stability, and happiness in the home?

I realize this doesn’t sound super sexy but having a conversation around these three topics will certainly lead to more sexy time and give you the energy you’ve been looking for! Running a home and a successful marriage is a lot like running a business. To be successful, hard conversations need to be had, revamping what isn’t working and ramping up what is takes reflection, effort and mindfulness.

As always, if you need help with these topics, I have space available for pop-up sessions and the back to basics program covers a lot of this as well. There are a couple spaces left in that program too! Cheers to your marriage!

Your coach,

Kameran

When you were little and people would ask “What do you want to be when you grow up?” you answered with whatever your dream career was at the time with such pride and confidence. There wasn’t a question or concern that it wouldn’t happen. The next week that career dream would change but the level of confidence and pride that you answered with certainly didn’t.

We are all that way and yet somewhere along the way, fear set in. Someone, maybe society, maybe a person we know and love told us we couldn’t. We couldn’t live into that dream because of one reason or another and our faith in ourself began to fade. The belief that we truly could be anything melted into becoming an adult and taking care of responsibilities.

Did you choose your career or was your career chosen for you based on a set of circumstances? Or maybe based on someone telling you that you needed to “just pick something and get out of college”? If you had it all to do over, would you choose something else? What would it be?

Did that doubt creep back in? “Oh but I couldn’t ever actually do that. I’m too old/young/fat/skinny/out of the loop/busy to start over…the list of excuses is endless.

Now I’m here to tell you this. In the Younique program we talk a lot about taking the risk to go. Moving, taking the step that God is calling you toward and borrowing His faith in you the way that a toddler borrows their own parent’s faith when they’re learning to walk. They aren’t sure that they can take those steps and be successful at walking but their parents know and that’s good enough for that sweet baby. We also talk a lot about the fact that God bestows a certain recipe of gifts, talents and abilities within each of us. Every single person’s mix is different than anyone else’s and that’s what makes us unique. It’s also what makes us so dang good at what we are called for. Qualified. These are our qualifications. It’s not the job of society or our family or friends to tell us what we can’t do. It’s not the job of our subconscious to interrupt and tell us that we can’t or won’t be successful at whatever the feeling of greatness is calling us to do. It’s our job to borrow the belief in ourselves from God, take the risk and move.

God doesn’t call the qualified. He qualifies the called. By answering that call and accepting the growth and gifts He is giving you, you’re able to step into your calling with purpose, confidence and pride just the way you answered when you were little. You can do what you’re called to do because you’re the only one with the magic mix that you have! After a while you won’t have to borrow that belief anymore. You’ll have your own belief in yourself that this is where you belong and what you’re meant to do.

I had no idea what a life coach was when I first completed the Younique course and at the time, nobody on this earth needed a life coach more than my hot mess express self. But here I am 3 years later, the best version of myself I’ve ever been with the happiest, healthiest marriage I never thought I’d have and while I don’t even pretend to have it all together, I am supremely satisfied with my growth and the life I’ve built intentionally and my calling to help others do the same.

If you’re wanting that too, click here and let’s make that happen. Maybe God’s waiting for you to jump so he can start qualifying you too!

XOXO,

Kameran

New Season, New Habits

Are you qualified?