Are you the intruder in your marriage?

Last updated on: Published by: Recognizing Potential Coaching 0

You know in a traditional wedding ceremony where the officiant repeats the bible verse Mark 10:9 “Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate”.

I have always loved that part, thinking that it was a way to keep people from coming between the bride and the groom. 

What if that verse isn’t just meant to keep other people out of our marriage though? What if we are the ones separating our own union? 

For example, do you ever feel like your spouse spends more time on their phone than they do in conversation or connection with you? When you wake up in the morning, do you scroll social media before you even say good morning to your love? 

I recently heard Kevin Hart say that his world was rocked and he had to reprioritize his life when he was told that he was “married to his job and dating his family”. Is work coming between you and your spouse? 

Growing up, I had a friend that lived across the street and her mom and dad always put each other before the kids. Even at 7 and 8 years old, I noticed and admired that. The concept of putting your spouse’s needs before the kids is commendable and rare. Of course, there are exceptions like if you have an infant that needs fed or whatnot. For the most part though, do the kids come first or second on your priority list? 

One of the reasons I divorced my first husband was that he could never set the boundary with his mother when she called and asked for money or didn’t respect the boundary I had set. Are in-laws intruding in your marriage? 

Here are some other possible “intruders”: 

  • outside hobbies and interests (hunting season anyone?) 
  • TV 
  • Friends
  • Addictions
  • Affairs
  • Church functions 

What you invest the majority of your time in directly correlates to what you value most. If you put more time into your phone than you do connection with your spouse, your value is not on your marriage but on the highlight reel of other’s lives. 

Reflecting on those values and the time put into your marriage, if you find yourself saying “Well, life just happened”, chances are that the bond you have with your spouse is fragile. 

So how do you get out of the habit of valuing the wrong things?

Understand that your marriage is only as strong as the value you put on it. If you want a Target brand marriage, make a couple tweaks but mostly keep doing what you’re doing. If you want a Louis Vuitton marriage, you’re going to have to pay a higher price. 

Meaning, you’re going to have to lay out a plan. That might mean no phones in the bedroom, no screens after 9 PM, setting boundaries with family, friends, work, etc. Getting help with addictions and affairs or your marriage as a whole. Cutting out what is lower on your list of values and starting new habits that give meaning and priority to what’s most important to you and your goals.

Take another part of the marriage ceremony, the “forsaking all others” into consideration. Forsake what is coming between the connection you and your spouse have. 

As always, if you need help with this or feel that you and your spouse aren’t aligning on what you value, email me at and let’s do a pop-up session together to help you get on the same page! 

Cheers to your marriage!

Your coach, 


P.S.- have you signed up for the  Good to Great! The 31 day marriage challenge yet? It isn’t your typical “send a cute text” challenge. This is a deep dive into continuous issues, healing and building of a union. Every day you’ll get a short audio lesson, a devotional and some connection challenges do complete emailed directly to you at 5 AM. You’ll spend every day in October in the word, creating a better you and a better marriage. $31 for 31 days! 

The Top 10 Reasons You NEED PreMarital Coaching

Last updated on: Published by: Recognizing Potential Coaching 0

You’ve planned your wedding day for months, maybe even over a year! Everything from the flowers to the caterer, the cake, the DJ, the venue, the guests, the list goes on and on. But have you planned for your marriage? 

The build up to the wedding day is so extravagent but many couples wake up the next morning still giddy that you get to say “Good morning husband. Good morning wife.” Yet, there’s a sinking feeling in the pit of their stomach like “What now?” 

This is where premarital coaching thrives. If you’ve planned for your marriage like you’ve planned for your wedding, you wake up with confidence knowing you’ve got this! Here are the top 10 reasons why premarital coaching is so important! 

1. Did you know that in a study done by the Health Research Fund, couples who took some kind of premarital counseling/coaching course had over 30% more satisfaction in their marriage than those who didn’t take a course before marriage? 

2. Love is a verb not a noun. 
There will be seasons in your marriage that are hard. You may not “feel” in love with your spouse. I know it’s hard to believe now but it’s true. You may not be happy and you may wonder if it’s time to call it quits. The answer here is no. It’s not time to call it quits, it’s time to push through and get to the root. When you get premarital coaching, you will be given tools and preparation for these times. You’ll learn how to navigate these waters so when it sneaks up on you, you’re prepared and can row through it quickly and successfully. 

3. Coaching is less than 10% of your total wedding budget! The average cost of a wedding in 2021 is $30,433 in the US. Coaching for 12 sessions is only 5% of that total cost. Planning for your lifetime literally costs you less than your cake and that’s perishable. 

4.Speaking of perishable, many of the items you purchase for your big day are. Many items will be rented and given back or only used once and then stored or put on facebook marketplace. The tools you gain in marriage coaching are used again and again, like a family recipe book that you use for every situation, need and conflict.

5You’re setting your future children up for success as well. These habits you develop, tools you use and put into practice are also handed down to your kids as they learn what a solid marriage looks like and how to model theirs after yours. A healthy marriage leads to a healthy life overall and a healthy family. 

6. Learn how to fight fair. 
Conflict is inevitable in marriage. Most people bring in fight styles they’ve learned from their parents or in past relationships. Many of these fight styles aren’t healthy. With coaching, you learn how to fight fair so you’re fighting together instead of against each other.
Remember: if you don’t have arguments, what you do have is a lot of secrets.

7. Learn how to connect. 
Remember those times where you’re not going to “feel in love”. These and other times will require more connection. Every person feels connection differently. Now is the time to learn how to connect with your partner on a deeper level. Learn how to be and have attentiveness, responsiveness and engagement.

8. Opportunities for growth
If you never set goals for your marriage, never work on yourself and your marriage, eventually you’ll become complacent. Complacency is the killer of happiness. Coaching provides an opportunity for you and your partner to find out where you/your relationship needs some growth. Growth leads to more satisfaction and fulfillment both as an individual and in the relationship.

9. Beat the divorce statistic
America has the 6th highest divorce rate in the world with about 50% of marriages ending in divorce. Premarital coaching starts working against that statistic the moment you sign up by giving you the awareness, tools and preparation you need. Failure happens because of improper planning or lack of execution. Coaching gives you a plan, actions and accountability.

10. There is no instruction manual to marriage or parenting but coaching gives you the tools and the toolbox with a guidebook. Without it, you’re putting together a marriage blind and with only the tools you’ve learned from others…but are they the right tools for you? 

A commonly asked question is “I’m already married and didn’t do premarital coaching! I wish we had! Is it too late?” NO! Ideally, you want to do this before you get married but it’s never too late to start adding tools to your toolbelt! 

If you or someone you know is getting married and interested in coaching, email me at for more information or to sign up. I only take 5 couples a month so don’t wait! I look forward to working with you! 

Your coach,