marriage coach Archives

This isn’t my typical topic of addressing but it’s been frequently suggested and in a poll I did on my IG stories recently, one that had the most votes. Ask and you shall receive!

What’s the first question you hear when you go to a restaurant?

Can I get you any appetizers with your drinks?

Many times, that’s how we think of foreplay also- as the appetizer to the main course. That may be the exact reason couples are having less and less sex.

Did you know that only about 30% of women orgasm from penetration alone? Did you also know that there are over 8,000 nerve endings in a woman’s clitoris and that it’s a misconception that the clit is only a small bean shape? It’s actually more like a wishbone starting with that bean, branching and wrapping down the sides of the labia.

Fun fact, there’s only 4,000 nerve endings in the head of a penis. So gents, think about how sensitive your head is. With only penetration, you’re basically making your girl eat french fries for dinner and leaving an entire porterhouse on the table. She’s still gonna be a little (or a lot) hungry later!!

Think of foreplay not as an appetizer but more like breakfast.

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day just like foreplay is the most important part of the act. It builds the connection that a woman needs, gets both of you in a mood and makes the act itself Oscar worthy.

Here are a few ideas to help you get started.

1. Compliments
People like to hear nice things about themselves and a healthy relationship has a 5:1 positive to negative ratio. Start the morning of and send a flirty text to your spouse- “I love the way your butt looks in those jeans.” “Your back is so sexy.” “You smell so good.” Keep it going a few times throughout the day- “Can’t wait for you to get home. I’ve been thinking about you all day.”

2. Communicate
You know what they say about assumptions and our partners aren’t mind readers. So, come right out and ask your partner what turns them on. Do they have any fantasies, things they’d like to try, new positions in mind?

3. Make out.
Remember when you were dating and making out was fun? Brush your teeth, swish some mouth wash and make it fun again!

4. Get out of your head.
The laundry can wait and so can the dishes. That TV show isn’t as important as your marriage. Lock the door, the kids will be fine. Focus on your partner, on your connection and on having FUN! (Seeing a theme here?)You need it, deserve it, and will certainly be grateful for it later.

5. Explore
When you’ve been together for a while, your sex life can get a little monotonous. That’s completely normal and common. If you’re in a rut, it might be because you’re doing the things that used to work but are now predictable and over done. Change things up a bit. Use different sensations and temperatures- a feather, a silk tie or scarf as a blindfold, ice cubes, wax, something you haven’t tried before. Try massaging areas you haven’t before. Genitals aren’t the only erotic or sensitive areas. Thighs, chest, breasts, neck, back and wrists can all be erogenous zones. Explore your partner and get to know them again for who they are now and what they like.

6. Get good at talking dirty.
I will pre-empt this one by saying that some people will have an adverse reaction to dirty talk so make sure you communicate beforehand and ask your partner if they like it. If you know they do, tell them what you’re going to do to them and be specific. Use those adjectives!! Ask what they want and show interest when they respond.

7. Use encouragement and visuals.
Nobody wants to be criticized in the middle of getting intimate so if you’re not really fond of something, use encouraging words and suggestions. “Try this…”, “I like it when you…”, “It feels good when…” Show your partner what you like. Move their hands or body to show them what you’d rather have.

8. Kiss. A lot.
Kissing passionately, deeply and frequently serves several purposes! Not only does it give women the most erotic pleasure according to studies, it also gets women back into the game when they’ve lost interest or gotten into their head a little too much! Passionately kissing shows desire for your partner and affirms that you still want them. It provides connection- something many marriages are lacking these days. Note- deeply and passionately is not to be confused with sloppy or choking your partner with your tongue.

9. Strong hands
Massage is an art that, when performed well, can lead to incredible connection and desire! If you’re someone who rubs for a minute and a half and your hands (or your brain) get tired, work on hand strengthening exercises. Watching youtube videos on becoming a better masseuse can also impress your partner, increase the connection and improve the experience!

10. Practice Selflessness
It is the job of both parties to initiate.
If you lose interest in the massage or the act, get your head back in the game! It’s not only about you. When you both take the stance of “how can I give my partner the most pleasure?” the experience is enjoyable for both parties. The second mindset that needs to be mastered is for you gents and it goes like this “I don’t come until she does.” Remember that 30% rule from the beginning and you’ll be golden.

Keep in mind, these tips are meant for marriages that are safe and secure emotionally, physically and sexually. If you are not in that kind of relationship, please seek help. Intimacy is at it’s best when both parties feel safe physically, safe to express themselves, can connect on an emotional level and have mutual trust.

Foreplay is just that- PLAY. It gets you in the mood, lets you open up and enjoy the one you love in a way that you don’t on a typical day. It creates a bond and shows that you still choose your partner today just as you did on the day you got married!

Until next week, love each other well.

Your Coach,

Kameran

P.S.- If you are on the fence about working with me from now until the summer, this is your chance! Today is my birthday and I like to GIVE gifts just as much as I like receiving them! So, my gift to you is 30% off my most popular group programs for TODAY ONLY!!

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I’ve been a little MIA for a few weeks but I promise it’s with good reason. We just got back from a 17 day stay in Egypt! For those of you who don’t know, my husband was born there and his family lives in Cairo. We took the baby to meet his grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins for the first time! That being said, I have a whole lot of travel hacks for you that will save your marriage, your children and your sanity! There are links in here but they are not ads! They are legit what I used to help my family thrive!
Here we go.

1. Talk about your expectations with your spouse a few days or even a couple weeks before you leave. Do they like to sleep in? Are they up with the sun and ready to seize the day? What sights do each of you want to see? What’s the culture of where you’re going? Anything you should be aware of, do or not do?
Additionally, set expectations with your kids. Nobody likes walking into situations where they don’t know what’s happening and kids are no different. Talk about the plane ride- it will be a long way, there won’t be wifi. When we were talking with Mason about Egypt, we made sure to explain that the houses they live in are not like ours. They don’t have dryers for their clothes, their food is different and while we don’t expect him to eat all of it, we do expect him to try it. It’s ok if he doesn’t like it (but he did like most of it)! When we are in public, we expect him to stay near us and not take things from people even when they’re offered. Set them up for success from the get go by setting clear, concise expectations.

2. If you are flying- take a stroller but check it at the gate! Same with a car seat. The chances of the airlines losing it is less this way! Plus, you can use it to wheel around bags or your kids when you’re going long distances through the airport.

3. Even if you’re breastfeeding, pack individual packets of formula. I only packed 2 and from experience, I will say that I wish I would’ve packed way more! There wasn’t always space on the plane. I got a stomach virus and had it for 11 days so my supply completely tanked and formula isn’t always available in other countries. Reading ingredients on these formulas is also not a good time.

4. If any one of your family members has food allergies, pack snacks! Airplane food is NOT allergy friendly. Though most airlines have stopped serving peanuts, it still doesn’t mean you can consume the food if you have any other allergies. I LOVED the Optavia chocolate shake meals. I packed about 10 and I used all 10 on the trip. They were the only thing I could keep down when I was sick and because you just mix them with water, it’s easy. If you mix it with only a little water, it’s like a pudding so it won’t make a mess. If you dump it in a water bottle, you have a shake with a decent amount of protein. I also packed things like individual packs of veggie straws, fruit strips, dried fruit, granola.

5. You’ll want to seperate your carry ons like this. This is for a family of 4 but you get the idea.

Carry on #1– 2 pairs of clothes, 1 pair of pajamas and 3 pairs of underwear for each family member. Roll the clothes so you fit more in the bags and they don’t wrinkle as bad. Toothbrushes, contact solution, bathroom bags including 2 bars of soap! 1 bar you’ll use for showers and the other you’ll use to wash clothes if needed. The second leg of our trip, Lufthansa lost our bags and we didn’t get them for 5 days of our trip. Everything you’ll need in case this happens, put it in a carry on!
Carry on #2– Electronics, iPads, chargers, phones, etc.
Carry on #3– Snacks/food (nothing liquid!), 2 throw sized blankets packed over the top of the food and FUN- trust me on this. You’ll want to put coloring books, crayons, books to read, a sketch pad with some colored pencils, anything light weight that will keep them busy. For kids old enough to write, consider packing a journal for them to write down their memories- things they saw, enjoyed, people they met, what they saw that was different than where they live, things they ate and liked/disliked, etc.This will be a fun keepsake many years from now.
Carry on #4- Anything related to the baby- breastpump, charger, bottle brush (good luck finding one of those in any other country!) extra bottles, formula, etc.

Seperating like this will help tremendously as you go through TSA and if you need something specific on the plane, you know which bag to grab quickly.

6. Ladies- ZYIA LEGGINGS!! Thank God I wore a pair of jeans on the flight and packed a pair of Zyia black leggings in my carry on with a nicer t-shirt. Because the airlines lost our bags, I had to literally live in these leggings for 5 straight days. They were comfy enough to sleep in, easy to wash and dry quickly, nice enough to dress up with the nicer shirt I had and because Egypt is a billion degrees in July, they weren’t too hot!

7. For kids, get 2 new toys (even for big kids) for them for the trip. One you’ll pack in the suitcase for the flight home. The other you’ll take on the flight to your destination. When they get bored, you’ll have a new toy for them to play with and it will be much more enjoyable for everyone.

8. Thieves Hand sanitizing Wipes. Life is messy and traveling isn’t always the most sanitary. I used these wipes for EVERYTHING- wiping down the plane/uber/etc, cleaning hands- kids and my own, wiping off pacifiers, anything that needed cleaned basically. They’re non-toxic, smell fantastic and chemical free. They are also allowed through TSA where a bottle of hand sanitizer big enough for a family for 2 weeks isn’t.

9. Mighty Pro. A pre and probiotic. When I got sick and then my 11 year old got the same stomach virus (not covid, confirmed), these helped our digestive tract SO MUCH!! They’re small packets that taste like a pixie stick and don’t take up much space or weigh a lot. Other countries have food that doesn’t always agree with you. These help combat that.

10. Be Mindful of the BASICS! Children and adults alike cannot thrive if they are hungry, tired or thirsty. Yelling, getting short with them, adding to the negativity and the already tense situation will not help. Keep everyone fed, warm, hydrated and rested and whatever else hapoens isn’t a big deal. Every problem that happens after that is completely solvable. Most likely if there’s a meltdown, it can be traced back to one of these issues.

11. Bonus Tip- Give everyone a job, even if it’s small. When kids feel important, they have something else to focus on besides how long they’ve been walking, how hungry or tired they are. For little kids, it might be looking for bathrooms or a certain type of food, the gate you’re going to, or watching for a man with a green shirt. Make anything up. It will pass the time and give them a focus. For older kids, it might be carrying bags, making sure all bags are accounted for, holding little brother’s hand, etc.

For a couple’s only thriving while traveling and other relationship coaching tips, subscribe to my couple’s only weekly newsletter!

Above all, I know the pandemic created a hold on traveling but as someone who travels A LOT, I can honestly say that it’s very safe. Precautions are still taken but the world is opening back up for the most part and there are lots of things to see!

Happy Travels!!

Kameran

P.S- For numbers 4, 6, 8 and 9- if you’re interested in these products, email me and I can connect you to the people I ordered from or get you hooked up from my own website! 🙂

Spice Up Your Life (in the bedroom)!

How to Thrive While Traveling with a Spouse and Kids