BoundariesDivorceFamilyGoalsGrowth MindsetMarriageMindsetParenting

New Season, New Habits

Last updated on: Published by: Recognizing Potential Coaching 0

Cooler temps, changing leaves and pumpkins are all around! With the seasons changing, this is not only the perfect weather for getting outside, enjoying family and pumpkin spice everything, it’s also the best time to sit down and evaluate some of the habits you’ve picked up in your marriage. 

People don’t get divorced and say “I know exactly how we got here!” Usually, it’s more like “I don’t know how we ended up here.” I do. Habits. The small day to day habits that started and snowballed. 

Habits like picking up your phone in the evenings instead of intentionally connecting. Putting off adult time or date night because you’re too tired or too busy. Putting the kids and their events above your marriage. 

The way to fix or prevent this from happening is simple. With the turn of the seasons, sit down one afternoon or date night and have a conversation. Be open and honest with each other. 

1. What is your vision? 
Post-pandemic, last quarter of 2021, what is the vision for your life, your family, your career? Think big picture here. What do you need to focus more of to really propel forward? Is it more time as a family? Would cutting some of the extras from your budget to become more financially secure help? How about getting a coach to help your marriage and provide a more stable home life? Do you need a community or a different circle of influence? Would a mindset shift be the ticket? 

Hear each other out. If you both have different ideas of what would help, can you combine efforts to do both? As this is a big picture vision, it’s important to think broad here. Don’t try to take on too many smaller tasks. You’ll end up overwhelmed and the small tasks won’t be seen through. Small and simple is best here.

2. Boundaries
If you’ve followed me for any amount of time, I’m sure I sound like a broken record with this one. However, a breakdown in a marriage/family happens because of a lack of boundaries. What do you need to say no to? What do you need to set limits on in this season moving forward? When you visualize where you want your marriage and family to go, what isn’t there? Sometimes moving forward means leaving “the old” behind. 

3. Roles
As you’re reflecting on the vision and the boundaries, also think about what’s working and what isn’t. What roles do you play each day? What hats do you wear? Are these roles adding to your life or your stress? I often have couples do an exercise called work | rest. Think about all the things you do daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly, and yearly. Make a list of those according to whether they are work (energy taking) or rest (energy giving) for you. Now compare that list with your spouse. What is on their work list that’s rest for you? Can you take that chore now? What is rest for them that’s work for you? Switch things up as necessary. For example, bedtime routines are work for me but rest for my husband. When possible, that’s a role that he takes on to give me a break. What roles can you add, take away or change to give everyone more energy, stability, and happiness in the home? 

I realize this doesn’t sound super sexy but having a conversation around these three topics will certainly lead to more sexy time and give you the energy you’ve been looking for! Running a home and a successful marriage is a lot like running a business. To be successful, hard conversations need to be had, revamping what isn’t working and ramping up what is takes reflection, effort and mindfulness. 

As always, if you need help with these topics, I have space available for pop-up sessions and the back to basics program covers a lot of this as well. There are a couple spaces left in that program too! Cheers to your marriage!

Your coach, 

Kameran 

DivorceExpectationsFamilyGrowth MindsetMarriageMindsetParenting

They’re called blind spots for a reason.

Last updated on: Published by: Recognizing Potential Coaching 0
One day last week I took Mason to school. I’ll preempt this by saying that we do a lot better when we can start our mornings slow and methodically. Fun fact, someone asked me once why I wanted to be an entrepreneur and I told them it was because I didn’t want to have to wake up to an alarm clock. That’s still true. Anyway, no matter how much I front load this kid- put your snack in your back pack, lay out your clothes, set your alarm, etc etc the night before, he will inevitably forget something the next morning. This time, it was his mask. 

The long and short of it is that I was more than irritated at the lack of responsibility and the number of excuses he was spouting off like a broken faucet. In the midst of my “mom speech” and in response to him telling me that he believes he’s always responsible, I found myself saying “you don’t know your own blind spots.” 

I further explained in 11 year old terms what that meant, dropped him off, said I love you, and went about my day but I couldn’t get that one phrase out of my mind. 

Nobody knows their own blind spots. It’s why I have a coach I’ve invested 4 figures into and why my own client roster is almost full. We are all looking for help to see our blind spots. Where do we need more work? 

What part is holding us back, keeping us from reaching our fullest potential? What part of us as an individual is continually sabotaging our relationships? Everyone has a blind spot or even a few. Some are more toxic and hurtful than others. But without bringing them to light and working through them, we continue to stay stagnant, never moving forward into the best version of ourselves. Isn’t that the point of life, to grow and become the best version of you possible? 

I was working with a client this morning and she was talking about how far she’d come in the last 2 years. It’s so important to reflect on those wins but when I asked her why she started this journey in the first place her answer was shocking. Her ex-husband had made a comment that she needed to “stop acting like such a victim.” This one comment sparked a wildfire in her soul and fueled her personal development so that he, nor anyone else would ever be able to tell her she was a victim again. She’s not. She’s powerful, impactful, and thriving. She is truly an inspriation and living into the absolute best version of herself every day. All because her blind spot was made visible. Granted, the fuel was significantly more blazened by the person who said it but the results have given her more confidence in herself and her abilities. She’s a better mom, a better teacher and a better friend throughout! 

The beauty is in the process. Deep within the hard. It’s undeniably hard to self-reflect and get honest with what needs work. It’s also liberating, rewarding and ego-boosting when you can honestly say you’ve done that work and are making the world, even if it’s just your tiny corner of it, better because of the work you did. 

So what version are you living into right now? How can you bring your own blind spots to light?

XOXO,
Kameran

P.S.- Have you checked out the 3 day relationship bootcamp I offered in my facebook group last week? It opened the doors to my 1:1 relationship course BETTER ME, BETTER US. This course is for anyone who knows they want a better relationship but their partner isn’t as committed to the personal development journey just yet. Check it out here.