Are you living into the best version of you?

Last updated on: Published by: Recognizing Potential Coaching 0

One to two times a year my husband goes to training as a pilot. He goes for his annual training to keep him current so he can be on top of his game when he’s flying 75 passengers to and from making memories. This year he started the year at training to upgrade to captain. 
He’s gone for about a month both times and let’s face it, if anything at all is going to happen, it will be during those times. It’s pilot wife law. Well long story short, during this trip alone- my son has been pulled from middle school after a ridiculous amount of issues and we’ve started homeschooling-a situation in an of itself that took about 8 years off my life from stress. My dad had his second heart attack in 5 years. I have a full coaching roster, working from home, have a teething toddler and my love languages (quality time and physical touch) have obviously not been met. Resentful? A little. 

I met with my coach because yes, coaches need coaches so we can make sure we are applying everything we preach. After hearing all of this, she asked me “how are you living into the best version of you?” Umm… I’m trying not to drown? Doesn’t sound very “best version” and thriving.

Buuuuuut….She was right. *sigh* Funny how that happens and it was just the kick in the pants I needed.

I can’t control the fact that my husband is living his dreams and doing what he believes is his best by providing for his family. I can’t control that his idea of what a man needs to do and what I need as a woman and a wife are fundamentally different. I can control whether or not I’m a jerk to him and whether I support him in doing so. I can control how I communicate these needs and we work through them while he’s there and has a break and after he gets home. 

I’ve controlled all I can with the school, communicated the best I can. I can’t control the fact that it hasn’t helped. However, I have a teaching degree so  I can control my son’s learning and the outcomes of what he gets at home.

I can’t control the outcome of my Dad’s health and when he’s called home. Scary as it is, this one’s all on God. 

I can’t control my feelings of inadequacy, overwhelm, loneliness, resentment, or love languages not being met. I can control how much time I spend working on my mindset, going to the gym so I feel better about myself, what I eat, how I spend my time and how I react to these feelings. I can control how I communicate my needs and initiate virtual date nights. 

I can control how I show up for my husband, even if he isn’t able to show up for me in the ways I’d like him to right now. I can control my integrity, my empathy and my own effort because if the situations were reversed, this is how I’d want him to treat me. That dadgum golden rule sure does slap you in the face all the way through your life.

Throughout this whole week, I had to get real with myself and sometimes that means answering the hard questions like Who is the best version of myself? What does she look like? How does she show up to life, to all the roles she plays and for herself? 

It takes two whole people to create a whole union. If I’m relying on my husband to be his best before I am my best, that’s codependent and not healthy or whole. It’s also counter-blaming your partner and showing defensiveness, one of the top four causes of divorce. 

Bottom line, the best version of your marriage starts as the best version of you. Start there and control what you can control. It’s the only thing that will keep your sanity in check in a world of chaos.

If you have absolutely no idea what the best version of you looks like, get into the Back to Basics program! A short 6 week course that teaches you to recognize the best version of you, create goals you’ll actually keep, create habits to fulfill those goals and live into the best version of you, set boundaries to preserve your energy, and create a life you are madly in love with!  (If you need a payment plan, please email me at coaching@recognizingpotential.com)

Your Coach,

Kameran

How Busy is “too busy”?

Last updated on: Published by: Recognizing Potential Coaching 0

Have you noticed how if you ask someone how they are doing and instead of the canned answer of “fine”, it’s being replaced with a big sigh followed by “BUSY!”? Then the next ten minutes of conversation consist of all the things you’re busy with, all the things they’re busy with and nobody actually says how they are doing with or feeling about it all?

We’ve become a society that wears busy like a badge of honor. Somewhere along the line we have decided that being busy means we’re needed, wanted, successful, prosperous, important. The fuller our calendar, the fuller our hearts. Our brains must have 5,934 tabs open and running at full speed or we are simply not working to max capacity as a human being! 

On the other hand, taking time to rest, relax, rejuvenate, leaving time in our day to just be, to have a quiet mind means we are lazy, unsuccessful, unwanted, not needed, broke as a joke and absolutely not important. We must be absolutely miserable without every minute in our time blocked calendar full with something. The mere thought of sitting still just to soak up the sun or watch a movie with your family? Well, that’s just wasteful.

Seems pretty insane, right? To be so overloaded that we don’t have time to make a phone call or to actually hit send on a text? 

It is. Society has created the norms for what busy means and what it doesn’t. Biblically speaking though, rest is needed and should be celebrated. In Genesis- God creates the world by resting first because the Jewish calendar actually starts in the evening of each day. After rest is honored and applied, He creates a piece of the world, sits back, celebrates it by taking pride in his work and saying “that’s good” and then repeating the cycle. On the seventh day- and this is big! He what? He RESTS. God doesn’t need to rest, He’s GOD! He doesn’t do that for his benefit- He does it as an example of what WE as humans are supposed to be doing!

How often do we celebrate our work and tell ourselves “yeah! Good job self. That’s pretty great work right there.” Rest for a whole day? Uh, no thanks. I’m not completely burnt out and feel like I’m dying when I try to get out of bed yet. I can still go a few more weeks on full blast and a half-pot of coffee a day! 

Anybody else see how utterly ridiculous we as a human race sound right now in reading this? 

The past few months, you may have realized that the podcast changed to Monday releases, the newsletter is sometimes weekly but most of the time bi-weekly, and my IG stories? Well, they aren’t an all day, every day thing. Does it mean I’m burnt out on what I do? NO! I’m actually more passionate now than ever before! 

Somewhere along the way, I started realizing everything I told you and I started making intentional changes. I re-started the gym membership I didn’t have time for because it makes me happy when I go and to teach my boys what it means to live healthy. I stopped tutoring all but two of the kids I was working with because fitting all of them into my schedule was irritating and took way more energy than I wanted to give for way less money than my time is worth. I started sitting in the floor with my 1 year old and actually playing instead of watching him over the screen of my laptop. Side note- tapping into your inner child brings more joy and stress relief than most adults will ever know. Is it weird at first? Yes but only because we’re conditioned to believe that at the age of 13 we should put away childish things and never think of them again. A theory that is total crap by the way. 

Point being, I accepted that I have the time. I was simply prioritizing being busy with things that really don’t mean jack in the grand scheme of things over the things that truly matter at the end of the day. My marriage, time with my boys that is too fleeting anyway, health, and truly living out my purpose as a relationship coach- a passion that is reignited every time I get on a call. 

To me, that’s success. It’s everything I dreamed of and prayed for. It’s enough for me and my family, important to me, gives me time to be still, drink my coffee while it’s still hot and take a nap if I want  and at the end of the day, I’m helping couples save their marriages! That’s my happy, my fulfillment, my life is complete. All because I simply chose to say “hell no” to what wasn’t a “hell yes”, leave space in my calendar, value my time and prioritize what was really important to me.

Your happy and complete may look wildly different than mine, and that’s ok. But as we close out 2021, I’d encourage you to look at your calendar and do the same reflections I did. I’m telling you- it will completely change your life! 

Your Coach,
Kameran

P.S- if you want this but aren’t sure where to start- email me at coaching@recognizingpotential.com. I’ve got just the thing!