Is Your Filter Working?

Last updated on: Published by: Recognizing Potential Coaching 0

The transition from me being a life coach to a purpose coach to a relationship coach was weird to a lot of people. To me, I saw a bigger need and an even bigger impact I could make with my past experience of divorce, remarriage, blending a family, immigration, cultural differences and an interracial marriage. 

See, when relationships aren’t stable at home, every other part of people’s lives are in disarray. Children can’t focus in school and do significantly worse in retaining information. We aren’t as productive at our jobs. Even our social lives are in an upheaval. To me, by helping people with their marriages, I’m also helping people to sort their whole lives out, smooth things over, become more successful and more productive. Who wouldn’t want that? 

What makes some marriages successful while others end in divorce? 

In short, how well your filter works. That’s right, your filter. 

Successful marriages have a filter over their mouths, their eyes and their hearts. 

Filter your mouth.
Our tongue has the power to build others up or tear them down. How are you using yours? If you have a strong filter on your mouth, you’re more likely to speak to your spouse in a way that builds them up, creates a strong friendship and treats them with respect and love. We will speak words of wisdom and gentle truth. 

This means that when your wife comes in and says “does this dress make me look fat” and you know she’s gained a little weight, instead of saying “Yeah, it looks terrible. Your butt looks like a buick”, you will instead say something like “you’re beautiful no matter what! But, it’s not as flattering on you as this other option.” The second statement just hits a little differently than the first.

Instead of telling your husband he’s being a complete jackwagon, try saying something like “hey, your energy is a little off today and I feel like you are stressed. How can I help?”. 

There’s a scene in an episode of Yellowstone (premiere is on Sunday y’all!) where Kayce tells Monica that he thinks he’s a bad man and he says “I don’t tell you things I do because I don’t want you to think I’m a bad man. Cause I think I’m a bad man but if you think it, then it’s true.” We know we are old, fatter than we used to be, have more wrinkles, etc. But if our spouse points it out, it makes it true and we feel less. Less beautiful, intelligent, worthy. Don’t put your spouse in that position. 

Build them up. Be gentle with your words. Don’t do damage that might take years to repair. Remember that words have the power of life and death. 

Next week, in an effort to keep these less in length than the previous novels I’ve written, I’ll talk about the other two filters. 

For now, try a little growth work at home. Reflect on the words you’re saying to your spouse. What kind of words are you using? What do those words generate in their hearts? How can you soften your approach to have a bigger impact? 

Your coach, 


The Power of “And”

Last updated on: Published by: Recognizing Potential Coaching 0

When you stand on the beach and look out at the ocean during high tide, especially as a storm rolls in, the waves are high. The crashing against the shore is soothing, beautiful and at the same time fierce and dangerous. 

The power of “and” is intense and often replaced with or. 

So often we get caught up in needing to be one thing, we forget that it’s ok for us to utilize the “and” in us as well. 

Society has these unrealistic expectations that we’re all supposed to adhere to and live beyond. Honestly, just thinking about it is exhausting and I call bull. Bull on the whole thing. 

We need to stop masking the truth and start normalizing reality. Living for what life realistically is. Not that you need it but here’s your permission to do just that. 

Be madly in love with your husband and still want to put super glue on the toilet seat if he leaves it up one more time. He probably has things that irritate him about you and still loves you with everything he has too.

Love your children fiercely, be supremely grateful for them and the opportunity to raise them and still want to lock yourself in the closet with nothing more than a bag of chocolate, a bottle of wine and your tears of frustration from the day, week, or season of life right now. You’re not alone.

Have wonderful intentions to clean the whole house and get none of it done because your children needed you more. This season won’t last forever.

It’s ok to have crazy wild dreams and work a job that’s mediocre as you fulfill them. You have bills to pay.

It’s completely “normal” to feel defeated in your business and passionate for your mission at the same time. Entrepreneur life isn’t for the faint of heart. 

Unpopular opinion but no less of a fact- It’s ok to disagree with people and still be kind to them. Period.

Set boundaries with people and still love them from afar. If they throw a fit about the boundary, that’s just proof it needed to be set in the first place.

It’s ok. Believing that you have to be one thing without the other is unrealistic. You can be both. The shame that’s cast upon you for that isn’t a sign there’s something wrong with you. It’s a sign there’s something wrong with societal norms. It’s a sign the person who’s shaming you for being both probably hasn’t come to grips with their own reality. 

Their projected pain and expectations are not yours to receive. 

Grace, acceptance and understanding that what you’re feeling when you feel both is completely normal- that’s yours to receive. 

Your coach,