MarriageStress

Does Your Marriage Have What It Needs?

Last updated on: Published by: Recognizing Potential Coaching 2

“This is not a marriage! This is a freaking prison and I’m your slave! All I do is your laundry, pick up your crap, work all day and when I’m done and want to go do things for myself, I get excuses and reasons why I can’t or shouldn’t!” 

This scenario may or may not sound familiar. If so, you should first know that you’re not alone. To avoid this scenario though, three things must be present in a relationship for it to thrive. Three things that are not present in the scenario above. 

1. Love. 
Love is at the heart of marriage. Bound together by the care, companionship, need, values, and commonalities that can overpower immaturity, hurt, and selfishness to form something better than what we can produce on our own.  However, Love is like a plant. The plant itself is not enough to sustain on it’s own and it certainly doesn’t grow or thrive without other necessities. In the words of Patty Smyth and Don Henley “baby sometimes love just ain’t enough.”

2. Freedom
When two people are equally free to be who they are as individuals, free to disagree respectfully, free to have a healthy social life, and free to have space for their own “me” time, they are also free to love. When they do not have that freedom, they live in fear. 1 John 4:18 says that Perfect Love drives out Fear. As humans, our love will never be completely perfect but having freedom sure makes love grow and it gets pretty close, espcially when coupled with number 3. 

3. Responsibility
When both parties are responsible for your freedom within the marriage, in doing what’s best for the marriage as a whole, to each other but not for each other, and are able to maturely take responsibility for their own actions and reactions, love can grow immensely. 
When both parties cannot do that, one person ends up taking on too much responsibility and becomes resentful. Meanwhile, the party not taking responsibility for the aforementioned qualities becomes self-centered or even controlling. 

Freedom and Responsibility problems in a marriage will cause love to struggle. The love plant we talked about at the beginning of this email struggles to thrive and may wither and die because it doesn’t have the necessary nutrients. 

Think about your own relationship. Do you have love, freedom and do you take responsibility for what you need to? Ask your partner if they feel the same way. Do they feel like you have all 3? 

Your coach, 

Kameran 

BoundariesExpectationsFamilyGrowth MindsetMarriageMindsetStress

Do you feel rushed all the time?

Last updated on: Published by: Recognizing Potential Coaching 0

Ever notice some cultures have more of a laid back culture than Americans? They take time for naps, coffee breaks, social gatherings and time with family is above work. They work to live while Americans live to work. We subscribe to what is called urgency culture and it’s literally killing us in the form of stress. Urgency culture looks like:

  • Feeling like you have to text back right away or that others must text you back immediately.
  • Feeling like others must have a comment, opinion or response about a topic right away.
  • Saying things like “I’m too old for this/that” or “I’m running out of time.”
  • Seeing age or time limits as a concrete belief.
  • Expecting immediate results/solutions or quick fixes (fad-diets anyone?)
  • Feeling like people have to do things as soon as you ask them to. 
  • Feeling like you have to say yes to everything people ask of you. 

How many of these can you relate to? 

Are you living in an urgency culture? 

It’s very possible that if you said yes, this is the source of a lot of your stress! By continuing to live this way your health deteriorates, the stress increases, you project your expectations onto others in an unhealthy way. Your expectations may be too high so then you become judgy and resentful. They resent you for doing so and a wedge is formed in the relationship. You may miss out on dreams, goals and careers that would’ve made you happy all because you believed your age played a key role. So how do you stop? 

  • Learn to say NO. It’s a complete sentence and requires no explanation. 
  • Give others time. 
  • Know what you can and cannot control. Accept it for what it is. 
  • If you need an answer right away, call- don’t text. 
  • Plan ahead. 
  • Recognize that your actions, thoughts and communication have an effect on others but give them and yourself space to do what is healthy.
  • Recognize that what is healthy for others may not be healthy for you and vice versa. 
  • BOUNDARIES! Set them. Stick to them. Respect those that others set. 
  • Did I mention learning to say NO? It’s so liberating and you know what? People will NOT love you less if you say no. I promise. 

If you are one that’s living in the urgency culture that society has created, I challenge you to be mindful. Figure out where things aren’t working for you and what’s stressing you out and then make a shift. It might be the healthiest thing you do for yourself this year! 

XOXO, 

Kameran