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Are you qualified?

When you were little and people would ask “What do you want to be when you grow up?” you answered with whatever your dream career was at the time with such pride and confidence. There wasn’t a question or concern that it wouldn’t happen. The next week that career dream would change but the level of confidence and pride that you answered with certainly didn’t. 

We are all that way and yet somewhere along the way, fear set in. Someone, maybe society, maybe a person we know and love told us we couldn’t. We couldn’t live into that dream because of one reason or another and our faith in ourself began to fade. The belief that we truly could be anything melted into becoming an adult and taking care of responsibilities. 

Did you choose your career or was your career chosen for you based on a set of circumstances? Or maybe based on someone telling you that you needed to “just pick something and get out of college”?  If you had it all to do over, would you choose something else? What would it be? 

Did that doubt creep back in? “Oh but I couldn’t ever actually do that. I’m too old/young/fat/skinny/out of the loop/busy to start over…the list of excuses is endless. 

Now I’m here to tell you this. In the Younique program we talk a lot about taking the risk to go. Moving, taking the step that God is calling you toward and borrowing His faith in you the way that a toddler borrows their own parent’s faith when they’re learning to walk. They aren’t sure that they can take those steps and be successful at walking but their parents know and that’s good enough for that sweet baby. We also talk a lot about the fact that God bestows a certain recipe of gifts, talents and abilities within each of us. Every single person’s mix is different than anyone else’s and that’s what makes us unique. It’s also what makes us so dang good at what we are called for. Qualified. These are our qualifications. It’s not the job of society or our family or friends to tell us what we can’t do. It’s not the job of our subconscious to interrupt and tell us that we can’t or won’t be successful at whatever the feeling of greatness is calling us to do. It’s our job to borrow the belief in ourselves from God, take the risk and move. 

God doesn’t call the qualified. He qualifies the called. By answering that call and accepting the growth and gifts He is giving you, you’re able to step into your calling with purpose, confidence and pride just the way you answered when you were little. You can do what you’re called to do because you’re the only one with the magic mix that you have! After a while you won’t have to borrow that belief anymore. You’ll have your own belief in yourself that this is where you belong and what you’re meant to do. 

I had no idea what a life coach was when I first completed the Younique course and at the time, nobody on this earth needed a life coach more than my hot mess express self. But here I am 3 years later, the best version of myself I’ve ever been with the happiest, healthiest marriage I never thought I’d have and while I don’t even pretend to have it all together, I am supremely satisfied with my growth and the life I’ve built intentionally  and my calling to help others do the same. 

If you’re wanting that too, click here and let’s make that happen. Maybe God’s waiting for you to jump so he can start qualifying you too! 

XOXO, 

Kameran 

The #1 Complaint of Women

I CAN’T BELIEVE I FORGOT IT!

Last night we went to the grocery store. I’d already spent the last two hours planning meals for the week, making the grocery list and praying that the grocery stores had stocked what I needed for this week. That winter storm straight up took Houston OUT! Remember the toilet paper shortage in 2020? Yeah, that’s coffee creamer right now. You cannot find good coffee creamer An-y-where! #FirstWorldProblems

Before leaving, I’d grabbed a bottle, made sure the diaper bag was stocked, grabbed a Yeti of Hot water to heat the bottle and could’ve bet my life on the fact that I grabbed the diaper bag too. Two hours later when I needed said bottle, I had the hot water and a fussy baby but….no diaper bag or bottle. I was so irritated that I couldn’t find it! After going all the way back home, my husband found it on the chair, right where I’d left it. How could I have forgotten the most important item for my baby? HELLO!

After a short shame spiral, I remembered a post I’d read on Facebook earlier in the week asking what the number one complaint of all women was in their marriages. Mental overload. 

I realized that it’s not only women who are married and not only pertaining to married life. It’s mental overload in general. More people than ever are coming to me for coaching. Lost, lonely, questioning their career choice, their abilities as a parent, their abilities as a spouse, and completely bogged down with decision overload. 

Where do we go for Spring Break that won’t break the bank? Where do we go that’s actually open because of Covid? Do I want to quit my job? Do I want a different career path? Do I start a business? Do I want a nap or to clean the house? Is my headache because of dehydration or something else? What do we make for dinner? When was the last time my kid had a well check? What’s due for my job? How many times have I run this load through the washer? Is this chicken in the fridge from three days ago or three weeks ago? My kid has what form due for middle school class selection? That expiration date is 2021, that’s a ways a way. Oh wait, we’re in 2021. What the….? 

Mental Overload. It’s a very real thing and I’m just going to say, if you’re not experiencing it, you are either a unicorn or a liar. 

I’m not sure there is one right answer to overcoming the mental overload but what I can say is that GRACE is the most important help right now. Grace for yourself and grace for others. Communication is second. Send the friendly reminders for dates and commitments others are involved in. Set alarms for yourself. Write the lists. If someone forgets something, understand that it’s probably not intentional. It’s probably because they’re just as mentally overloaded as you are. If you receive a friendly reminder and didn’t need it, that’s fine. Accept it with grace and thank them for sending it anyway. There may come a time when you do need it. Third, ask not how you can help. I’m finding that people’s response of “oh, nothing. It’s ok” or “I’ve got it” is just as canned as “I’m fine” when you ask how they’re doing. Ask your spouse if you can meal plan this week or what chore is at the top of their list. Ask what decisions need to be made that are weighing them down and how you can be a part of that process. Ask what meal your friend who just had surgery would like. Ask specifics. Can you take your niece and nephew for the day to help your sister in law out? Can you come sit with your new mom friend and do her dishes or fold her laundry or can you drop a coffee at her doorstep because she’s not in the mood for company but really just needs a pick me up? 

When someone says they forgot something or they sound like they’re really down on themselves, simply offer grace. A sincere “it’s really ok. Don’t worry about it.”

When that someone is you, look in the mirror and say that same response out loud. 

XOXO,
Kameran

P.S.-  Today is my 37th birthday! If you are questioning your purpose, wanting a different career or wanting to dig deep into who you are and who you were made to be, I am running a flash sale until this Friday on the YOUNIQUE course! 37% off! It’s normally $1,794 but this week only it’s $1,133 paid in full! Payment plans are available!! This is THE course that pulled me out of my depression 3 years ago, gave me the neon flashing sign from God that put me into coaching and gave me the ability to wake up every day knowing without a shadow of a doubt that this is what I was made for! I leave every coaching call with more energy than when I got on the call. This is the ONLY program I have that is not relationship based and I will always keep it because it’s helped so many and I believe so strongly in what it does for every single person who takes it! If this sounds like what you need, get in NOW! I only open it up twice a year and it will NEVER be priced this low again! Click here to sign up!

Priorities

Teaching Kindergarten full-time, tutoring on the weekends, coaching a full calendar, raising 2 boys, one being a 3 month old who still isn’t sleeping all night with a husband that’s gone 20-23 days a month, maintaining a thriving marriage, and engaged in a rigorous weight loss plan. I’m sure there are more hats that I’m wearing as well but this is the brunt of it. 

This is my life for another 115 days 20 hours 48 mintues and 47 seconds. Less than that by the time you read this. After that, I’m done teaching forever and I’ll only be coaching. I’m absolutely not complaining. I’m grateful! Excited! ..and maybe a little crazy. In the last couple weeks though I’ve been asked how I’m able to manage all of it and also why I haven’t put out a podcast episode since August 26th.

“Did you quit your podcast?” 

The answer is no. I’m still cranking out ideas and possibilities for interviews and trying my darndest to breathe life back into it but the long and short of it is that I’ve learned three important lessons since September 1. 

1. If it’s not giving me energy, fulfillment or income, it’s not a priority. 

2. Waiting until I have everything perfect before starting something only holds people back. 

3. I am not a robot. 

Number 1, it’s simple. Things that drain you of energy when your tank is already pretty rationed out in the first place have to go. They may not have to go to the trash but they do have to go to the back burner. This is a season, not a lifetime. I’ll pick the podcast up again when I have time and energy to devote to it. It’s also not generating fulfillment like coaching clients does. Anything you can do in times like this where it’s really just organized chaos and living day to day that breathes life back into you, do more of that! 

Number 2, I used to procrastinate things so badly thinking that if I could just have everything right and laid out perfectly before starting, I’d be more successful. That’s not how entrepreneurship works and honestly, it’s not how successful ideas come to fruition either. Ideas come to life and become a success because people jumped and then looked. You plan as you go, tweak as you go, believe in yourself more than you do the thing you’re doing and have faith that if you do the work, the venture itself will work. You just have to start! 

Number 3 is a lot like number 1. You can do all the things but I teach this lesson in my Younique course that it’s vitally important to understand that you CAN do a lot of things but you MUST do only one thing. The CAN DO things are often times distractions that prevent you from getting to that MUST DO because they’re comfortable. The one thing you’re called to do is often disguised as hard work, something you think you know nothing about or something that is so far outside your comfort zone you don’t believe you are the right fit for it. God called Moses to lead the people out of Egypt and Moses flat out told God he had the wrong guy. God doesn’t make mistakes. The key is deciphering between what you’re letting become a distraction because you’re good at it and what you’re truly called to do. One thing. NOT all the things.

What’s the priority here?

What is the priority? Figure out the priority and you find the “balance”. Though if you listen to my podcast from when I was cranking consistent episodes you’ll find that it’s more about satisfaction and less about balance anyway. 😉 

XOXO,
Kameran

P.S.-  Not sure what your ONE THING is that you MUST DO? Email me at coaching@recognizingpotential.com and let’s talk. I have something for you! 

They’re called blind spots for a reason.

One day last week I took Mason to school. I’ll preempt this by saying that we do a lot better when we can start our mornings slow and methodically. Fun fact, someone asked me once why I wanted to be an entrepreneur and I told them it was because I didn’t want to have to wake up to an alarm clock. That’s still true. Anyway, no matter how much I front load this kid- put your snack in your back pack, lay out your clothes, set your alarm, etc etc the night before, he will inevitably forget something the next morning. This time, it was his mask. 

The long and short of it is that I was more than irritated at the lack of responsibility and the number of excuses he was spouting off like a broken faucet. In the midst of my “mom speech” and in response to him telling me that he believes he’s always responsible, I found myself saying “you don’t know your own blind spots.” 

I further explained in 11 year old terms what that meant, dropped him off, said I love you, and went about my day but I couldn’t get that one phrase out of my mind. 

Nobody knows their own blind spots. It’s why I have a coach I’ve invested 4 figures into and why my own client roster is almost full. We are all looking for help to see our blind spots. Where do we need more work? 

What part is holding us back, keeping us from reaching our fullest potential? What part of us as an individual is continually sabotaging our relationships? Everyone has a blind spot or even a few. Some are more toxic and hurtful than others. But without bringing them to light and working through them, we continue to stay stagnant, never moving forward into the best version of ourselves. Isn’t that the point of life, to grow and become the best version of you possible? 

I was working with a client this morning and she was talking about how far she’d come in the last 2 years. It’s so important to reflect on those wins but when I asked her why she started this journey in the first place her answer was shocking. Her ex-husband had made a comment that she needed to “stop acting like such a victim.” This one comment sparked a wildfire in her soul and fueled her personal development so that he, nor anyone else would ever be able to tell her she was a victim again. She’s not. She’s powerful, impactful, and thriving. She is truly an inspriation and living into the absolute best version of herself every day. All because her blind spot was made visible. Granted, the fuel was significantly more blazened by the person who said it but the results have given her more confidence in herself and her abilities. She’s a better mom, a better teacher and a better friend throughout! 

The beauty is in the process. Deep within the hard. It’s undeniably hard to self-reflect and get honest with what needs work. It’s also liberating, rewarding and ego-boosting when you can honestly say you’ve done that work and are making the world, even if it’s just your tiny corner of it, better because of the work you did. 

So what version are you living into right now? How can you bring your own blind spots to light?

XOXO,
Kameran

P.S.- Have you checked out the 3 day relationship bootcamp I offered in my facebook group last week? It opened the doors to my 1:1 relationship course BETTER ME, BETTER US. This course is for anyone who knows they want a better relationship but their partner isn’t as committed to the personal development journey just yet. Check it out here.

Are you really helping?

The story goes that a man comes in and asks his wife for help on something but before it’s all said and done, the wife completes the whole project for her husband because “it’s just easier that way.” 

In a couple weeks, he asks her for “help” on a similar project as before. She agrees but does the project for him again. This repeats multiple times throughout the course of the year and finally one day she says “Why don’t you learn to do this yourself? Why do I always have to help you with this?” 

The answer is within herself. When he came to her the very first time asking for help, instead of doing the project for him, she could’ve taken the time to teach him how to do it on his own right then and there. Thus, preventing herself from the irritation and time of having to do it for him repeatedly. “It was just easier”…but was it really? In the short term moment, maybe but big picture, was it really easier than taking a few extra minutes to teach him to do it himself?

As this situation unfolded before my very eyes, I heard him tell his wife “you’re more of a do the thing and I’m more of a ask for help on it kind of guy”. 

The problem is not with men and women. I see this issue with people of all ages, genders, stages in life, etc. We are becoming more and more a society of needing things given to us, done for us and asking not for help but to be enabled. Yes, I said it. 

See, helping is doing something for someone who cannot do it for themselves. Enabling is doing something for someone who can do it for themselves…a lot of the time, “because it’s just easier.” 

In that moment where we believe that it’s just easier if we do the project, several things are happening cognitively. First, we believe that it will take a lesser amount of time if we just do it ourselves instead of teaching others to do it. Secondly, we so arrogantly believe on some level that if we do it, at least it will be done right. Third, on that same level, we don’t believe in the ability or intelligence of the person asking for help. Think about that for a second. We are so arrogant to believe that we are better, smarter, more equipped to do the task than our counterpart. I will also add that too much of this starts to become a breeding ground for contempt- one of the most toxic traits to have infiltrate a marriage.

At the same time, let’s say for a minute that the person asking for help truly has the intention of learning in their asking for help. Well, you’ve just taken away their chance to better themselves by agreeing to help but doing it for them. 

Let’s flip that coin now and say that the person asking really doesn’t want help but is asking so it sounds like they do. This is a manipulation tactic to get someone to enable them. It’s entitlement, selfish, lazy and crossing a boundary that says “my time is more valuable than yours so I’m going to care not about the time you’re going to waste in doing something I could do but don’t want to.” 

As a parent, it’s easier for us to do something for our children than to see them fail as they learn. But in that, aren’t we failing as the parent by doing things for our children instead of teaching them to be independent and thrive without us? 

As a spouse, it would be easier to do all the things our partner asks of us but if, in the end, we are continuously harboring negative feelings for our partner because of it, we really only have ourselves to blame for allowing the disrespect and agreeing to enable them. 

As a boss, how are you creating an environment that promotes self-improvement, learning, and being a self-starter but also asking for help when it’s truly needed? 

Where are you helping? Where are you enabling? How can you honor your own boundaries and create better time management for yourself by saying no? In situations where you are asking, do you truly need help to learn or are you asking to be enabled?

XOXO,

Kameran

Are you settling?

Do you love your job? Are you passionate about it? 

I was working with a client the other day and she was talking about how other women, much younger with half her experience in her job are quickly advancing but she isn’t. I asked why she thought that was and her response blew me away. She said “because they’re passionate about what they do and I’m not.” I asked why she chose that job if she wasn’t passionate about it and her next response reminded me a lot of myself. “Because it made more money than the previous job, didn’t have the benefits but made more so I looked at it as a step up.” 
WOW. How many of us can relate? I know I can. I chose elementary education because I’d been in college for 4 years and changed my major 11 times. It was what I had the most credits in and I needed to be done. So a teacher I became. Then when I went back 4 years later, I started out in dietetics but when I got divorced half way through that program, dietetics wasn’t going to pay the bills as a single mom and neither was teaching. So marketing became the next settle. I’d settled in my first marriage because I truly didn’t believe I’d ever find anyone else. See a pattern here? 

SO much settling! How about dreaming? How about recognizing our potential, that one thing we can do like only we can do? How about that? How much time would I have saved if I would’ve thought about that instead? So I asked my client how often she dreamed. She scoffed and said “I don’t think I do. I stay where I’m at because I’m good at it and I’m afraid of failing in front of people.” Next question: If you knew you could do anything in the world and not fail, what would you do? “I don’t know. I’ve never thought about that.” Been there. But the the thing is, people aren’t thinking about you because people are selfish. They’re only thinking about themselves. People don’t worry about your failures because they’re too concerned about their own. 

How often do you dream? Do you let the negativity of other’s projections override your own belief in yourself? Do you stay where you are simply because it pays the bills and you’ve never thought about what you’d really like to do? For some, dreaming is really hard. It brings out the possibilities versus what truly is right here, right now. But your reality, as we talked about last week, is just a series of decisions you made in the past that led you to this point. So if you dreamed more, would you settle less and thereby gain the life you truly want?

I can tell you from my own experience that when I started dreaming, started believing in myself and stopped settling, my life went from constantly stressed and digging myself out of a hole to checking things off my vision boards right and left and being grateful that I had made different decisions that led me to the reality that I have now. 

So the question is, are you settling or are you making decisions that create the reality you desire most?

XOXO,

Kameran

P.S- Have you signed up for the Gratitude and Attitude challenge starting Nov 1? 30 days of gratitude (with prompts to help you) and a daily prompt to help you get to the best version of yourself. We start Sunday! It’s free and it’s going to be fantastic! 

Are you getting enough?

I did a survey in my facebook group about a week and a half ago. How much sleep do you normally get on any average night? As someone who prioritizes sleep above food, water, or really any other need, I expected the results to be somewhere around 7-8 hours. I was shocked. 

Most of the women in my group are getting somewhere between 3 to 6 hours a night. THREE hours of sleep?! Y’all. That’s not a night’s rest. That’s a nap! 

I talk until I’m blue in the face about Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. I do this because I think it’s the basis of what makes the rest of our lives great and sadly, the bottom rung of it, our most basic needs, are not being met on a daily basis. The survey I posted is a prime example of that. Food, water, air, homeostasis, sex and sleep. How many of those are you actually meeting every day? 

We’ve always heard that adults need between 6-8 hours of sleep per night. Well, that’s not entirely accurate. The National Sleep Foundation says that statistic is just to function. To truly thrive, an adult needs 7-9 hours a night. This is merely an average. Some adults (like myself) need more like 9.5-10 hours to truly wake up feeling rested, rejuvenated and ready to crush the day. So what if we’re cutting that in half and not getting enough? 

Well first off, your cognitive abilities are slowed…like being drunk. You can’t think as clearly, communicate as well, or handle the obstacles life throws at you like you would if you were rested. Secondly, all you can concentrate on is how tired you are so you start habit stacking in the worst way. You add caffeine in the form of more coffee and soda. This causes your body to release even more cortisol (the belly fat hormone) which also taxes your adrenal glands. Because of the release of cortisol, your sweet tooth is triggered and you’re now adding an additional habit stack of reaching for all the junk food. This also adds to more fat storage because as your pancreas releases insulin to break down the food that’s then passed around to your muscles but rejected because you aren’t moving as much (because again, you’re too tired) so that energy is now stored as fat. Additionally, according to this article, coffee has a half life of 3-5 hours but your body also builds up a resistance to it causing you to need more and more in order to stay awake. So 10 hours after you drink the first cup, the caffeine starts to work and 10 hours after your last cup is when your body actually rests enough to sleep and sleep well. Is your mind racing when you lay down at night? Count backwards 10 hours. Were you still drinking coffee OR soda at that time? The caffeine is causing you not to sleep, but you “need” it in the morning to stay awake. See the complicated problem here? 

Our daily lives also play a part in not getting enough sleep. In my survey, many women weren’t going to bed at night because they felt they still had so much to do. This makes us fall into the life drifts of ambition and approval. Approval says we’ll never “be good enough” and ambition says we’ll “never do enough”. Put those together and you have a recipe for disaster that has your subconscious telling you that you’ll never be a good enough parent, spouse, person, or success story unless you (fill in the blank with any to do list item). But the reality is that you are already good enough and you already do plenty! But if you aren’t well rested, you can’t do anything to the best of your ability and you can’t be a good enough person if you’re a snappy jerk to everyone who says hello because you are exhausted. 

So how do you overcome this? A lot of willpower, change and a deep look into why you aren’t sleeping in the first place. 
1. Anxiety. I’ve been there. It’s a beast but you have to overcome your mindset in order to overcome your anxiety. Get a coach or someone to help you. 
2. Wein yourself off the caffeine and drink more water! Water will help energize you, leave you less dehydrated and help your overall health. It will also fill you up so you aren’t reaching for the sweet treats.
3. Put down the phone. The blue light is wrecking your serotonin levels and causing your brain to think you’re more awake, counteractive to the goal here. 
4. Stop telling yourself you’re a bad person if you don’t get the dishes done or the laundry or the house is a wreck. Really analyze WHY you’re breaking yourself in order to have this clean of a house. Wouldn’t you be able to be more efficient if you had the energy (from sleep- not caffeine) to do it? 
5. Delegate and/or Ask for Help! Do you have children? They NEED to be helping you. Teach them responsibility. Teach them to help out around the house. It takes everyone doing their part to make your household a well oiled machine. Same goes for your spouse. Team players here. At the same time though, nobody can read minds so everyone needs to know what you’d like done and how you’d like it done. Communicate your expectations. 
6. Priorities. Get ’em straight. If TV is higher on your priority list than sleep, we might need to take a look at that. 

Lastly, I have realized that this is such a struggle for so many that if you are truly ready to make a change and you’re not sure how to incorporate more/better sleep into your day, I am offering 60 minutes of sleep strategy coaching for $35. We will go over your routine and what keeps you up at night, revamp it and make a plan that works for you to help you get the sleep you need. All you need to do is implement the plan! Email me at coaching@recognizingpotential.com with 3 times that work for you in the next week and let’s get you to a place where you are less stressed, less depleted and better rested! 

XOXO,

Kameran

Is “NO” a struggle for you?

I spent most of my life saying yes to everything anyone asked me to do or help with because deep down I feared that I would let them down if I said no. After all, why would they ask if they didn’t really need my help? 

About 3 years ago, I started recognizing that people would come to me quite often asking for help and I always said yes, even if I had a magnificent amount of loathing for whatever it was they were asking for. But when I needed help and actually swallowed my pride enough to ask for that help, those same people were rarely there to help me. OUCH!. 

That’s when I realized that everyone falls into one of two categories. Those who have no problem saying No and those who struggle with it daily. Guess which category is happier? Hint: it’s not the strugglers. 

Well my friend, here are a few reasons why saying no is so dang hard. 

You’re a people pleaser. 
Plain and simple, you’ve been conditioned to believe that it’s your job to make others happy, to comply, to be the helper, and to always do the right thing. That translates in your head as “I have to say yes because if I say no, people won’t love me as much. They’ll be mad and that doesn’t feel good.” This level of thinking isn’t exactly true. As a recovering people pleaser myself, I can tell you that the need for approval runs a lot deeper than being able to say no. Saying yes all the time is only one symptom of the need for approval. However, it doesn’t feel good when you disappoint others. But I challenge you to think about these questions. First, when you say yes but you really wanted to say no, how do you feel while you’re carrying out the task asked of you? Chances are you feel just as bad because you know you said yes when you didn’t really want to do this thing in the first place. This is a problem because not only are you now giving 50% effort in the task, you’re harboring a lot of irritation, resentment and maybe even anger. How is that helping the person who asked for the help? How is it helping you? 

Secondly, when you say yes but really wanted to say no, you’re giving away your power over your time, energy, and priorities. With your actions, you’re telling the other person that they come before yourself. So if you say no, you’re telling that person that “hey! I’m really sorry but I matter. My time matters. My priorities matter.” You’re affirming that whatever you’re saying yes to (more time with family, friends, yourself, your money, your other resources) is more important than what they were asking for. So now ask yourself, if this person is disappointed in you putting yourself and your happiness over them, how good of a friend/loved one are they really? Who does that say more about, you or them? 

Next, I say this a lot in my coaching. There is a massive difference between helping and enabling. Helping is doing something for others that they can’t do themselves. Enabling is doing something for others that they can do for themselves, they just choose not to. Those who are enabled once will continue to come back to you knowing you’ll never say no to them and you’ll continue to enable them. They are like a leech. They’ll suck the energy right out of you and never move on until you start putting yourself first! Along with that, how are you helping them live into their fullest potential if you’re constantly enabling them and never setting those much needed boundaries? 

You fear the feeling of guilt. 

This goes hand in hand with being a people pleaser but it also runs much deeper. Why do you feel guilty? Now ask yourself Why again and a third time. Maybe journal on this. When you hit that 3rd why deep, you’ll uncover a monsterous breakthrough. Feel free to email me when you hit this breakthrough and let me know what you uncovered. I love hearing stories of people leveling up! 

Here’s how to calm the guilt though because Lord knows, learning to say no is not an overnight experience. So start by saying something like “That sounds interesting, let me check my calendar” or asking “Can I think about it?” You can even politely say something like “You know, I’m just not sure that I’m the right fit for that job but I sure appreciate you asking/thinking of me!” You don’t have to bluntly say NO, just don’t immediately say yes. Remember, if your heart and soul aren’t in it, you’ll end up giving 50% and find yourself in the toxic realm of resentment and negativity. Which is more beneficial in the long run for both of you? 50% effort or 100% effort? Positivity and joy or anger and resentment? 

I saw a shirt about a year ago and while I probably wouldn’t have worn it much, I still love the saying-
If it’s not a HELL YES, it’s gotta be a No. 

XOXO,

Kameran

Does Your Marriage Have What It Needs?

“This is not a marriage! This is a freaking prison and I’m your slave! All I do is your laundry, pick up your crap, work all day and when I’m done and want to go do things for myself, I get excuses and reasons why I can’t or shouldn’t!” 

This scenario may or may not sound familiar. If so, you should first know that you’re not alone. To avoid this scenario though, three things must be present in a relationship for it to thrive. Three things that are not present in the scenario above. 

1. Love. 
Love is at the heart of marriage. Bound together by the care, companionship, need, values, and commonalities that can overpower immaturity, hurt, and selfishness to form something better than what we can produce on our own.  However, Love is like a plant. The plant itself is not enough to sustain on it’s own and it certainly doesn’t grow or thrive without other necessities. In the words of Patty Smyth and Don Henley “baby sometimes love just ain’t enough.”

2. Freedom
When two people are equally free to be who they are as individuals, free to disagree respectfully, free to have a healthy social life, and free to have space for their own “me” time, they are also free to love. When they do not have that freedom, they live in fear. 1 John 4:18 says that Perfect Love drives out Fear. As humans, our love will never be completely perfect but having freedom sure makes love grow and it gets pretty close, espcially when coupled with number 3. 

3. Responsibility
When both parties are responsible for your freedom within the marriage, in doing what’s best for the marriage as a whole, to each other but not for each other, and are able to maturely take responsibility for their own actions and reactions, love can grow immensely. 
When both parties cannot do that, one person ends up taking on too much responsibility and becomes resentful. Meanwhile, the party not taking responsibility for the aforementioned qualities becomes self-centered or even controlling. 

Freedom and Responsibility problems in a marriage will cause love to struggle. The love plant we talked about at the beginning of this email struggles to thrive and may wither and die because it doesn’t have the necessary nutrients. 

Think about your own relationship. Do you have love, freedom and do you take responsibility for what you need to? Ask your partner if they feel the same way. Do they feel like you have all 3? 

Your coach, 

Kameran 

Do you feel rushed all the time?

Ever notice some cultures have more of a laid back culture than Americans? They take time for naps, coffee breaks, social gatherings and time with family is above work. They work to live while Americans live to work. We subscribe to what is called urgency culture and it’s literally killing us in the form of stress. Urgency culture looks like:

  • Feeling like you have to text back right away or that others must text you back immediately.
  • Feeling like others must have a comment, opinion or response about a topic right away.
  • Saying things like “I’m too old for this/that” or “I’m running out of time.”
  • Seeing age or time limits as a concrete belief.
  • Expecting immediate results/solutions or quick fixes (fad-diets anyone?)
  • Feeling like people have to do things as soon as you ask them to. 
  • Feeling like you have to say yes to everything people ask of you. 

How many of these can you relate to? 

Are you living in an urgency culture? 

It’s very possible that if you said yes, this is the source of a lot of your stress! By continuing to live this way your health deteriorates, the stress increases, you project your expectations onto others in an unhealthy way. Your expectations may be too high so then you become judgy and resentful. They resent you for doing so and a wedge is formed in the relationship. You may miss out on dreams, goals and careers that would’ve made you happy all because you believed your age played a key role. So how do you stop? 

  • Learn to say NO. It’s a complete sentence and requires no explanation. 
  • Give others time. 
  • Know what you can and cannot control. Accept it for what it is. 
  • If you need an answer right away, call- don’t text. 
  • Plan ahead. 
  • Recognize that your actions, thoughts and communication have an effect on others but give them and yourself space to do what is healthy.
  • Recognize that what is healthy for others may not be healthy for you and vice versa. 
  • BOUNDARIES! Set them. Stick to them. Respect those that others set. 
  • Did I mention learning to say NO? It’s so liberating and you know what? People will NOT love you less if you say no. I promise. 

If you are one that’s living in the urgency culture that society has created, I challenge you to be mindful. Figure out where things aren’t working for you and what’s stressing you out and then make a shift. It might be the healthiest thing you do for yourself this year! 

XOXO, 

Kameran 

How to Thrive While Traveling with a Spouse and Kids

I’ve been a little MIA for a few weeks but I promise it’s with good reason. We just got back from a 17 day stay in Egypt! For those of you who don’t know, my husband was born there and his family lives in Cairo. We took the baby to meet his grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins for the first time! That being said, I have a whole lot of travel hacks for you that will save your marriage, your children and your sanity! There are links in here but they are not ads! They are legit what I used to help my family thrive! 
Here we go.

1. Talk about your expectations with your spouse a few days or even a couple weeks before you leave. Do they like to sleep in? Are they up with the sun and ready to seize the day? What sights do each of you want to see? What’s the culture of where you’re going? Anything you should be aware of, do or not do? 
Additionally, set expectations with your kids. Nobody likes walking into situations where they don’t know what’s happening and kids are no different. Talk about the plane ride- it will be a long way, there won’t be wifi. When we were talking with Mason about Egypt, we made sure to explain that the houses they live in are not like ours. They don’t have dryers for their clothes, their food is different and while we don’t expect him to eat all of it, we do expect him to try it. It’s ok if he doesn’t like it (but he did like most of it)! When we are in public, we expect him to stay near us and not take things from people even when they’re offered. Set them up for success from the get go by setting clear, concise expectations.

2. If you are flying- take a stroller but check it at the gate! Same with a car seat. The chances of the airlines losing it is less this way! Plus, you can use it to wheel around bags or your kids when you’re going long distances through the airport. 

3. Even if you’re breastfeeding, pack individual packets of formula. I only packed 2 and from experience, I will say that I wish I would’ve packed way more! There wasn’t always space on the plane. I got a stomach virus and had it for 11 days so my supply completely tanked and formula isn’t always available in other countries. Reading ingredients on these formulas is also not a good time.

4. If any one of your family members has food allergies, pack snacks! Airplane food is NOT allergy friendly. Though most airlines have stopped serving peanuts, it still doesn’t mean you can consume the food if you have any other allergies. I LOVED the Optavia chocolate shake meals. I packed about 10 and I used all 10 on the trip. They were the only thing I could keep down when I was sick and because you just mix them with water, it’s easy. If you mix it with only a little water, it’s like a pudding so it won’t make a mess. If you dump it in a water bottle, you have a shake with a decent amount of protein. I also packed things like individual packs of veggie straws, fruit strips, dried fruit, granola. 

5. You’ll want to seperate your carry ons like this. This is for a family of 4 but you get the idea.

Carry on #1– 2 pairs of clothes, 1 pair of pajamas and 3 pairs of underwear for each family member. Roll the clothes so you fit more in the bags and they don’t wrinkle as bad. Toothbrushes, contact solution, bathroom bags including 2 bars of soap! 1 bar you’ll use for showers and the other you’ll use to wash clothes if needed. The second leg of our trip, Lufthansa lost our bags and we didn’t get them for 5 days of our trip. Everything you’ll need in case this happens, put it in a carry on! 
Carry on #2– Electronics, iPads, chargers, phones, etc. 
Carry on #3– Snacks/food (nothing liquid!), 2 throw sized blankets packed over the top of the food and FUN- trust me on this. You’ll want to put coloring books, crayons, books to read, a sketch pad with some colored pencils, anything light weight that will keep them busy. For kids old enough to write, consider packing a journal for them to write down their memories- things they saw, enjoyed, people they met, what they saw that was different than where they live, things they ate and liked/disliked, etc.This will be a fun keepsake many years from now.
Carry on #4- Anything related to the baby- breastpump, charger, bottle brush (good luck finding one of those in any other country!) extra bottles, formula, etc. 

Seperating like this will help tremendously as you go through TSA and if you need something specific on the plane, you know which bag to grab quickly. 

6. Ladies- ZYIA LEGGINGS!! Thank God I wore a pair of jeans on the flight and packed a pair of Zyia black leggings in my carry on with a nicer t-shirt. Because the airlines lost our bags, I had to literally live in these leggings for 5 straight days. They were comfy enough to sleep in, easy to wash and dry quickly, nice enough to dress up with the nicer shirt I had and because Egypt is a billion degrees in July, they weren’t too hot! 

7. For kids, get 2 new toys (even for big kids) for them for the trip. One you’ll pack in the suitcase for the flight home. The other you’ll take on the flight to your destination. When they get bored, you’ll have a new toy for them to play with and it will be much more enjoyable for everyone.

8. Thieves Hand sanitizing Wipes. Life is messy and traveling isn’t always the most sanitary. I used these wipes for EVERYTHING- wiping down the plane/uber/etc, cleaning hands- kids and my own, wiping off pacifiers, anything that needed cleaned basically. They’re non-toxic, smell fantastic and chemical free. They are also allowed through TSA where a bottle of hand sanitizer big enough for a family for 2 weeks isn’t. 

9. Mighty Pro. A pre and probiotic. When I got sick and then my 11 year old got the same stomach virus (not covid, confirmed), these helped our digestive tract SO MUCH!! They’re small packets that taste like a pixie stick and don’t take up much space or weigh a lot. Other countries have food that doesn’t always agree with you. These help combat that.

10. Be Mindful of the BASICS! Children and adults alike cannot thrive if they are hungry, tired or thirsty. Yelling, getting short with them, adding to the negativity and the already tense situation will not help. Keep everyone fed, warm, hydrated and rested and whatever else hapoens isn’t a big deal. Every problem that happens after that is completely solvable. Most likely if there’s a meltdown, it can be traced back to one of these issues. 

11. Bonus Tip- Give everyone a job, even if it’s small. When kids feel important, they have something else to focus on besides how long they’ve been walking, how hungry or tired they are. For little kids, it might be looking for bathrooms or a certain type of food, the gate you’re going to, or watching for a man with a green shirt. Make anything up. It will pass the time and give them a focus. For older kids, it might be carrying bags, making sure all bags are accounted for, holding little brother’s hand, etc. 

For a couple’s only thriving while traveling and other relationship coaching tips, subscribe to my couple’s only weekly newsletter!

Above all, I know the pandemic created a hold on traveling but as someone who travels A LOT, I can honestly say that it’s very safe. Precautions are still taken but the world is opening back up for the most part and there are lots of things to see! 

Happy Travels!!

Kameran 

P.S- For numbers 4, 6, 8 and 9- if you’re interested in these products, email me and I can connect you to the people I ordered from or get you hooked up from my own website! 🙂 

Changing the narrative of Mother’s Day

Tired as a mother. 

To all the mother’s out there, I see you. I feel you. I am you. 

As Mother’s Day rolls around, I’m so grateful to be a mother. So grateful to have Zayn as the addition that I never thought I’d have. SO grateful that Mason is the big brother he is and an enormous help to me and Moe. Grateful for a husband who cooks, cleans and takes care of our boys well and doesn’t call it babysitting. 

I am also equally exhausted and empathetic to all of the other mothers in the world. 

I shared a post in my facebook group a few days ago talking about how we as women cook, clean, do laundry, make sure everyone else is ok, cater to all. But who caters to her? Who does her laundry? Who makes her meals? It blew up with women commenting on how they felt that post deep in their soul. I think my mom said it best when she said that we are natural born caregivers but when someone in turn tries to care for us, we feel weird and uncomfortable. Why? Why is letting someone do something for you (for a change) uncomfortable? 

Expectations. Our grandmothers cared for everyone. Our grandmothers made it look so easy. In addition, the men in our lives took that expectation that ladies “should” be the ones to care for everyone with them because that’s what they learned from our dads…the ones who had the mother doing it all. That subconscious belief and expectation was then passed from generation to generation and it became an unspoken norm that stuck. There’s a big factor missing in that expectation and the societal norm. Our grandmothers didn’t work a 40+ hour work week on top of caring for everyone. Our grandmothers weren’t trying to juggle online schooling, a pandemic and unrealistic expectations from our employers and they weren’t trying to navigate a culture obsessed with urgency (more on that next week). 

My sister in law still lives in Cairo, Egypt. She’s about 5 months pregnant and the first girl in the family to have a baby. The women family members in the Arab culture come from other countries, other cities, miles and miles around when a woman has a baby just to take care of the new mother and baby. They all stay in the home for about a month after the baby is born. The new mom doesn’t have to do anything. No cooking, cleaning, nothing. Resting and caring for her baby. That’s her only job during this time. She’s cared for. Postpartum depression is a lot less, as are a lot of other complications that come with healing after baby. She doesn’t feel uncomfortable or weird or like she has to be working to entertain others or make a good impression. 

So why not our culture? What would happen if we accepted help and caring from others with open arms and hearts? What if we started looking at the ability to care for others as a privilege and an honor knowing that eventually we will be the ones needing help and it will come back around? What if we took care of each other like my in laws and their culture? What if we adjust the expectations to teach our sons and daughters that the societal expectation from 40 years ago no longer applies and is no longer what’s best for our families? What if we taught them the importance of mental health and reducing stress over being all the things to all the people, saying yes when you want to say no, and stretching yourself too thin? What if we modeled that instead of only preaching it? 

Let’s start adjusting. Let’s start learning to communicate what we need when we need it instead of sweeping it under the rug. Let’s start praising and appreciating the men in our lives when they step up and take things off of our plates. That’s a societal norm we can push! Teaching our sons that they are fully capable of doing the exact same things women do and of caring for others in the exact same manner. Let’s start normalizing rest and breaks and for the love of God, normalize saying NO. Let’s start changing the narrative so that we aren’t burnt out, exhausted, and merely surviving but instead we are energized, and stepping into our individual purposes. We can be engaged with our children instead of escaping the stress of the day when they’re asking for our attention. Let’s start getting uncomfortable in letting others care for us so that after a while, the uncomfortable becomes comfortable. 

Let’s make it a goal that by next year on Mother’s Day, we are thriving and grateful every day for the life we live. A life that we don’t need time alone or an uninterrupted nap as the best gift in the world for Mother’s Day. 

XOXO, 

Kameran 

Communicate

Happy Tuesday! 
This month, I had the honor of being a guest coach for another group that is coached by a lady I met in a mastermind I was in a few months back. She asked me to coach on communication as it pertains to every situation, not only in relationships. I thought today, I’d share some of those nuggets with you! 

Ever wonder why so many fights start over Facebook? Aside from the fact that everyone seems to be a keyboard warrior, people all have differing opinions because we are complicated individuals with complicated emotions and experiences. It’s also because communication is made up of 58% body language, 35% tone of voice and only 7% words used. That means that 93% of the communication we receive over social media, text message or through a blog post can easily be misconstrued due to not seeing the person’s body language or hearing their tone. 

Here are 5 quick communication tips for improving all relationships! 

1. Positive Sentiment Override. 
      Stable relationships have a 5:1 positive to negative comment ratio in them. The old addage that “those who are appreciated will always do more than is expected” absolutely applies in business, parenting and in marriage. If you aren’t appreciated by your boss, do you want to do more for your job? If your kids are always being asked to do things for you without a thank you, do they want to help more? What about your spouse? Do you want to do for them when you feel like they’re negative and coming down on you all the time? Check yourself first. How can you offer more positive comments to those in your circle? 

2. Listen! 
     You were given 2 ears and 1 mouth for a reason. Use accordingly. 

3. Soft Startups. 
     We need to talk, You always, You never. Think of communication like a gate. Using these phrases immediately closes the gate and builds a wall behind it. Instead, try saying something like “Hey, when you’re in the headspace to discuss finances (this morning’s meeting, your grades) let me know.” This gives the person you’re needing to speak with a heads up and allows them to meet their basic needs so they can show up to the conversation more fully, prepared and ready to be present and calm. 

4. “I notice and I’m wondering…” 
     This is an emotionally healthy technique to starting a conversation around something someone has done that you’re irritated with. For example, your child or your spouse leaves their clothes on the bathroom floor…again. You’ve only had this conversation about 300,000 times. So rather than losing your sh*t…again, try starting with “I notice that your clothes are on the bathroom floor and I’m wondering if you remember the conversation we’ve had regarding this.” This is not only a soft startup, it’s friendly reminder, provided that you aren’t using a condescending tone. “I notice that you haven’t finished your part of our project yet and I’m wondering if you need help or if you want to have a lunch meeting to discuss some ideas.” A very polite way of saying, Hey…get on it, pal! 

5. Basic Needs! 
     You have to meet your basic needs of food, water and sleep before you can politely and rationally engage in a serious conversation. Think of it like a toddler throwing a tantrum in the middle of Target. They’re probably tired or hungry. They aren’t trying to be a brat on purpose. You’re not much different and neither are the people you’re engaging with. If your boss is hungry and you throw a major decision their way or a fire they need to put out without warning, they’re probably going to respond a little more aggressively than they would normally. Same with your spouse if you throw a budget question at them as soon as they walk in from a long day at work. Meet your basic needs, ask if they’re in the headspace and then engage. 

Hopefully this helps and if you’d like even more communication tools you can start implimenting immediately to connect with your partner, sign up for my FREE 3 day challenge starting TOMORROW, Wednesday, April 7 at 6PM CST! This is only through Zoom and exclusive to only those who sign up! You’ll get an email reminder of when we’re going live and an email of the replay afterwards! Can’t wait to see you there!  

XOXO, 

Kameran 

Here’s what the world is missing…

Brene Brown is an incredible author that has dedicated most of her adult life to studying shame and vulnerability. I ran across one of her quotes the other day and it’s been playing on repeat in my mind ever since. She writes “in order to empathize with someone’s experience you must be willing to believe them as they see it and not how you imagine their experience to be.” 

Wow. How often do we shame or judge others because they describe their experience differently than what we think they “should”? Calling them dramatic, over the top, a hypocondriac, or something else. The question is, have we ever been in their shoes? Ever worked three jobs to make ends meet? Ever been a single parent? Ever been in the exact same circumstances they’re in? Simply put, the answer is no. No because no two circumstances are the same for every person.

In fact, just reading this email, your experience is going to be different than someone else’s. Last week, the email went out and I had someone unsubscribe. Ok, it happens, I wasn’t meant to help that person. Not but two minutes after getting the unsubscribe notice, I had someone else reach out to me and thank me for writing the message that I did. She needed it at that time and it helped her. Same email. Completely different responses. 

Life is even more complex than reading an email. Yet we shame others or find ourselves being shamed because our circumstances are different than someone else’s perception of what they should be. 

How connected to your neighbors are you? How well do you really know your friends? How well do you really know your spouse? Not who your spouse was when you married them but your spouse now, in this moment?  We are always evolving, changing and growing but we hold onto the way people were ten, twenty, thirty years ago. 

Empathy and compassion are two of the most powerful forces in this world. They are also two that are most lacked and most sought after. Our deep human desire to be seen, heard, known and accepted is lost in the sea of other’s need to check things off the list, get through each day and prepare for the race of the next day. 

This week, I challenge you to reach out to someone you think you know and get to know them on a different level. Ask them about who they are now. What makes them tick? What are they passionate about? What experience have they gone through that you weren’t there for them when they needed you most? Be open to understanding their situation not as you believe it should be but as they experienced it. If you’re married, start there. Often times empathy is the most lacked emotion in our marriages simply because we’ve been with our partner so long that we take them for granted and see them as they used to be rather than how they are. 

The world would be a much better place if we showed the same empathy and compassion for others that we so desperately crave ourselves. 

Enjoy your week and check out the FREE challenge I am running next week in my Facebook Group!! It’s going to be powerful!! 

XOXO,
Kameran