Have you noticed how if you ask someone how they are doing and instead of the canned answer of “fine”, it’s being replaced with a big sigh followed by “BUSY!”? Then the next ten minutes of conversation consist of all the things you’re busy with, all the things they’re busy with and nobody actually says how they are doing with or feeling about it all?
We’ve become a society that wears busy like a badge of honor. Somewhere along the line we have decided that being busy means we’re needed, wanted, successful, prosperous, important. The fuller our calendar, the fuller our hearts. Our brains must have 5,934 tabs open and running at full speed or we are simply not working to max capacity as a human being!
On the other hand, taking time to rest, relax, rejuvenate, leaving time in our day to just be, to have a quiet mind means we are lazy, unsuccessful, unwanted, not needed, broke as a joke and absolutely not important. We must be absolutely miserable without every minute in our time blocked calendar full with something. The mere thought of sitting still just to soak up the sun or watch a movie with your family? Well, that’s just wasteful.
Seems pretty insane, right? To be so overloaded that we don’t have time to make a phone call or to actually hit send on a text?
It is. Society has created the norms for what busy means and what it doesn’t. Biblically speaking though, rest is needed and should be celebrated. In Genesis- God creates the world by resting first because the Jewish calendar actually starts in the evening of each day. After rest is honored and applied, He creates a piece of the world, sits back, celebrates it by taking pride in his work and saying “that’s good” and then repeating the cycle. On the seventh day- and this is big! He what? He RESTS. God doesn’t need to rest, He’s GOD! He doesn’t do that for his benefit- He does it as an example of what WE as humans are supposed to be doing!
How often do we celebrate our work and tell ourselves “yeah! Good job self. That’s pretty great work right there.” Rest for a whole day? Uh, no thanks. I’m not completely burnt out and feel like I’m dying when I try to get out of bed yet. I can still go a few more weeks on full blast and a half-pot of coffee a day!
Anybody else see how utterly ridiculous we as a human race sound right now in reading this?
The past few months, you may have realized that the podcast changed to Monday releases, the newsletter is sometimes weekly but most of the time bi-weekly, and my IG stories? Well, they aren’t an all day, every day thing. Does it mean I’m burnt out on what I do? NO! I’m actually more passionate now than ever before!
Somewhere along the way, I started realizing everything I told you and I started making intentional changes. I re-started the gym membership I didn’t have time for because it makes me happy when I go and to teach my boys what it means to live healthy. I stopped tutoring all but two of the kids I was working with because fitting all of them into my schedule was irritating and took way more energy than I wanted to give for way less money than my time is worth. I started sitting in the floor with my 1 year old and actually playing instead of watching him over the screen of my laptop. Side note- tapping into your inner child brings more joy and stress relief than most adults will ever know. Is it weird at first? Yes but only because we’re conditioned to believe that at the age of 13 we should put away childish things and never think of them again. A theory that is total crap by the way.
Point being, I accepted that I have the time. I was simply prioritizing being busy with things that really don’t mean jack in the grand scheme of things over the things that truly matter at the end of the day. My marriage, time with my boys that is too fleeting anyway, health, and truly living out my purpose as a relationship coach- a passion that is reignited every time I get on a call.
To me, that’s success. It’s everything I dreamed of and prayed for. It’s enough for me and my family, important to me, gives me time to be still, drink my coffee while it’s still hot and take a nap if I want and at the end of the day, I’m helping couples save their marriages! That’s my happy, my fulfillment, my life is complete. All because I simply chose to say “hell no” to what wasn’t a “hell yes”, leave space in my calendar, value my time and prioritize what was really important to me.
Your happy and complete may look wildly different than mine, and that’s ok. But as we close out 2021, I’d encourage you to look at your calendar and do the same reflections I did. I’m telling you- it will completely change your life!
P.S- if you want this but aren’t sure where to start- email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I’ve got just the thing!